The Boobs

TheBoobs is back!

2011-01-05T12:28:00.001-08:00

Hey guys,

Guess what, your favorite blog is back! Just in time for the new years too. However, we have moved locations! Please change all your appropriate links to TheBoobsLa.com

"What is the point?" - a nail interview

2010-09-05T19:25:00.000-07:00

I have so many questions for this lady after watching the interview like the first being: What happens when you're on your period? I mean she says that people help her do "Everything" but by "everything", does that mean someone inserts her tampons for her? (CRINGE) I need answers. Clearly, The Boobs is Pro-Nails but 50 cm? ( 19.7 inches) is a bit much. This woman runs a UK based nail company called Kinky Nails The gallery didn't have much to look at, but you can check it out anyway at Kinkynails.com .

Wiggin' out!

2010-09-05T18:08:00.001-07:00

Dear Kat Von D,

Please stop with these ridiculous,cheap, synthetic barbie hair wigs. You're not fooling any of us. Does your head now resemble your kitty Ludwig? if so let us see it! The last time I checked weren't you charging $1,000 MINIMUM for your tattoos? that's plenty of money to buy a decent Kim Zolciak lace front special.

COKE DICK: Make It Last Forever Or For Never...

2010-07-27T17:29:00.001-07:00

Picture this: You're feeling hot, wet, and exceptionally horny. Things are heating up quite a bit, and just when you feel like you're going to explode with the anticipation of being pounded senseless something happens.... You reach your hand down and go in for the kill! except instead of sliding your hands over a rock hard, pulsating piece of man meat youre faced with a lifeless, limp, sad little piece of flesh hanging between his legs (insert sad face). Not wanting to "ruin the moment" you begin to take charge by licking and sucking for what seems like an eternity in hopes that it will regain consciousness and "snap out" of its comatose state. Sadly, it never happens.

The owner of this flaccid thing sheepishly says "give me just a few minutes" as if he can telepathically send shock waves down his arms and legs and into his lifeless genitals like some sort of fucking Wizard at Hogwarts . All attempts are futile. You may try to console him by saying "its OK" and settle on being eaten out, or you both just do the rest of the drugs and talk about feelings . Either way, you're gonna be left unsatisfied and downright disgusted. Congratulations, You've just gotten coke dicked! Coke dick is perhaps the closest a woman will probably ever feel to having "blue balls" actually Blue vag might be worse? who knows. What I do know is that it SUCKS, and if you don't want to experience this tragedy the solution is quite simple: don't have sex with a guy who's pants are smaller than yours! Just kidding (kinda) but don't have sex with a guy that's been doing blow because chances are you're gonna be let down ( literally and figuratively).

Lushy over at LURKDAT.COM wrote a guide to coke dick along with this cokedicktastic video tribute! Thanks Lushy! enjoy!

COKEDICK COMMANDMENTS: I been in this game for years it made me an animal. There's rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual. A step by step booklet for you to get with advice on what to do with COKE DICK.
1. (Ladies & gentlemen) Don't do blow on the first date, especially if you're a player who likes to hit home runs the first game. Don't you wanna get to know each other before you blow each other? I always get awkward when I'm on cocaine and I don't talk at all. I get self-conscious about being a 'Chatty Cathy' bitch, which most girls might turn into. Dudes get weird too. They conjure up weird things in their head about a girl when she talks too much, their cocks get scared (which commonly results in male coke dick dysfunction).

2. Lick dat before you dick dat! One cocaine effect is 'appetite suppression'. A decreased appetite from the yola isn't a excuse to not eat pussy. There better be a tall glass of water or a 40oz. on the nightstand because dudes' mouths be gettin' all dry & shiiiit. Same with ladies, stay hydrated! Drinking lots of water not only keeps the cooch scented like fresh ocean mist, but it also, but a guy who knows what he's doing down there works too. Lube right by the water & 40oz. might be a good look as well, especially if you get coke courage and want to booty bang.
3. Lurk what you twerkin' wit. I used to blow backs with a dude who was always coked out and way too focused on bringing other pussy into the bedroom (illusions of grandeur, ha). Coke would get him into adderrall 'laser focus' mode & he'd be calling other 'freaks' he knew, tweaking out on craigslist hoes tryna get them to come over. I'm there like, half naked doing the rest of his blow which was fine by me. I'm gurped the fuck out and I'm calling me a cab. Later bro!
4. Too drunk to fuck! Yolanda gets you in major rager mode, making you want to drink more and more. The more you drink, the sloppier you get. Whiskey dick = just as bad as coke dick.
5. Adrenaline highs have their lows. That blowblow can give you a high level of energy and all, but this isn't some tantric fuckfest. If you manage to keep that D hard, fucking awesome. Let's get that Nutt-ella. Some girls like doing it for long periods of time, some don't. We're not fuck dolls, we have some delicate parts. No gal wants to be a torn pussy rag doll. You should know when to quit, especially if a girl says she's 'hurting'. Booty banging might not be a cool idea if a dude is tryna go for days.
6. Number six, should have been number one to me. Wrap it up before you smack it up. That white girl can make you feel sexy, alert, and aroused. It also lowers inhibitions and lets you take more 'risks'. The world has lots of drugs and diseases, but more diseases. Wear condoms. If you can drop bills on all that Devil's Dandruff, you're definitely ballin' out your ass and would have no problem buying a pack of condoms.

*P.S Don't do drugs.

The SkinNY!

2010-07-09T00:17:00.000-07:00

"The skinNY" is the story of Rachel and Joanna, two wildly self-confident girls from Orlando who move to New York to work in PR and "run this town." They dress like it's 2004, believe they can have any guy they want, and listen almost exclusively to Fergie. Starring Jonny Sollis and Fabrizio Goldstein (The Fat Jew).

Wow The Fat Jew wins again. Please be a real show because this Bethenny getting Married shit is getting redundant and I do NOT need to be exposed to another Danielle from Desperate Housewives NJ's sex tape again. Save me Fat Jew.

What would The Boobs be without The Nipples?

2010-07-09T00:10:00.000-07:00

The Boobs wouldn't be "the Boobs" without "The Nipples". Nipples and areolas kind of freak me out, but they also totally make or break the entire boob. I'm not going to front, I have sensitive pencil eraser nipples, they stick out at the brush of my sweater or even if someone rubs against my chest. They're especially obvious when it's really cold outside. I remember being in High School and having boys call me "Nippollonia" because in the morning they'd always be really hard. Perhaps I should use that as my alias for writing on The Boobs from now on, Nippolonia! Anyway, one of our readers suggested that I write about different types of nipples/areolas out there and so here are some of my favorites:

Inverted Nipples AKA "fat Kid boobs": For some reason fat kids always have inverted nipples, and society seems to frown upon them. I don't think I've ever really seen a pair of inverted nipples that didn't put a smile on my face. They're so adorable! they just remind me of a chubby babies bottom, or like the cute little dimples on a cheek. Most people that have them feel really insecure about them, but I think you guys shouldn't be ashamed because seriously they're cute. However, if you're thinking about breastfeeding a baby anytime soon, Good luck. I hear it's quite painful for women with inverted nipples, and also they have to wear a plastic nipple shield between their teets and the babies mouth. Yeah... Just throwing that out there.

Puffy areolas: Puffy areolas to me are just nipple pillows. I've never actually seen anyone in real life with puffy areolas but I have seen them in magazines, and they actually look fine if your boobs are really perky. Perky, and puffy can't go wrong. I mean, is there any specific cause for the puffy areola? apparently not, however some women are so bothered by their puffy areolas that they undergo surgery :( However, there are sites specifically FOR people that can't get enough of them. Some of my favorites include www.puffybeach.com and www.thepuffynipple.com

Long nipples: I've heard that AZN's generally have "long" nipples, is this true? I'm not exactly sure what a "long" nipple looks like,I think the image above is a pretty extreme/abnormal case of "long nipple" but i'm assuming pencil erasers would fit into this catergory? I don't think there's anything wrong with 'em, they seem like they'd be really ideal for sucking/licking? who knows, does anyone care to share photos of their long nipples? I want to see them. Send to theboobsblog@gmail.com , do it!

Silver Dollars/Pepperoni tits: People love to hate on pepperoni tits, but most girls with big chi chis have them. Also they're the most common type of areola drawn on cartoon boobies like Anime girls. Needless to say Pepperoni tits rule!

Dinner plates: Unlike their more "aethtically pleasing" counterpart the pepperoni, the "dinner plate" is something you'd probably see in a National Geographic or if Precious was featured in a porno. Dinner plates are generally accompanied by major saggage, and I don't mean the usual saggage that most girls with natural big boobs have, but like the 3 or 4 kids kinda saggage. Don't get me wrong, just because a chick has dinner plates doesn't mean she can't put them shits on the glass. Dinner plates can also be seen on chicks who get breasts implants that are too big for their bodies, which is just a terrible look in itself.

Dark nipples/Hershy kisses: A recent study on the subject of dark nipples showed that that the majority of men expressed a distinct preference for darker areolae. "Dark nipples appear to play a significant role in men’s judgments of women’s attractiveness. Like large breasts, Dixson reasoned, dark areolae suggest sexual maturity. Yes, older and pregnant women have darker nipples than younger women, but those pigment changes also come from hormones that suggest fertility and high levels of estrogen and progesterone."

Fade-aways/Invisa-nips: Pale nipples blend into the rest of the body, there is really no clear distinction between boob and areola. There's nothing really that special about these things I guess they're just sorta meh, no big deal.

The bottom line is this: Boobs are like a box of bra covered chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get. If a dude is gonna diss you because of your areola size or legnth of your nipples dump his ass. Guys, you should be grateful you're getting naked boobs in the first place and from what I hear all of these types of boobs can also be found on men too! I'd love to see a man with "dinner plates" or "puffy areolas". If you know any of these guys send in their pics to TheBoobsBlog@Gmail.com :D

Honorable Mentions: Diamond cutters, Bird seeds, gum drops, and hairy nipples.

Also you can check out a cool site that features "non sexual" breasts:
click here

Inconsistent ass bloggers!

2010-07-06T11:45:00.000-07:00

Hi guys! sorry about the lack of updates on here. It seems like it's been FOREVER since we last updated the bwog. So it goes with out saying that I think it's time to wipe the dust off this thing and finally get some new awesome post up on this bitch! Des and I have both been pretty busy. She's working, and I'm on vacation with limited Internet access. Either way, We miss you guys and will be writing again soon! Thanks for all the tweets and the support! xoxo

*For your daily dose of The boobs Follow our twitterz !

Squirts up! pt2

2010-06-25T12:01:00.000-07:00

Hi guys, just wanted to update you about a pretty awesome topic I wrote about a few months back FEMALE EJACULATION remember? Well, I'm happy to report back to you all that "squirting" IS in fact real. After doing some pretty extensive Googling, and reading all of your comments filled with tips/stories , it finally happened... TO ME!

The squirting itself felt nothing like anything I have ever experienced in my life. You were all right, it's definitely not pee, in fact I'm not really sure what it is. The ejaculate itself came out of its on special little place. A place I'm assuming somewhere right around the clitoris? either way it was amazing and it was real, and I'm very pleased with myself to know that I am now officially part of that small percentage of female ejaculaters. I know some of of you guys may be thinking "WOW, WAY TMI" but that's what we do here. We don't believe in "TMI", duh.

I'm pretty stoked on my new found ability, but want to know more about it. Like, is this a one time deal? or does it progressively get more intense later? can I control the squirt? and does it happen every time? I'd really like to know answers. please feel free to share or explain your own squirt stories, thanks.

Love Always,
GLOSSY

ME SO HUNGRY: Glossy Talks Food W/ Kellen Of The Gluttony!

2010-06-18T16:40:00.000-07:00

Glossy: Hi Kellen, can you tell our readers that aren't familiar w/ The Gluttony a little something about your site?

Kellen: On the Gluttony I give my viewers mouth-watering pictures and reviews of L.A.’s finest. Not only do I show you the best of L.A.’s food, I let my readers know when they’re better off saving their gas money. There is nothing worse then a bad meal, which is why The Gluttony is so great. After checking out my site you will get to know all you need about where to dine out in L.A. and I introduce my readers to great hidden restaurants that they probably will never hear of.

I just went to Langer’s on Alvarado and 7th and had the best pastrami sandwich I have ever had. My mouth just salivated as I typed that. To sum it up I am committing cardinal sins of gluttony for the greater good.

Glossy: What separates the Gluttony from other "food Porn" sites?

Kellen: To be honest I don’t really look at other food sites too often. I always get them sent to me, but they are not interesting. I think regurgitating photos you find on the Internet is boring. The Gluttony is original content. I take all the photos on the site and most importantly I eat the meals. There is also the lifestyle component. Living in LA I am exposed to a lot of art and music. From time to time I like to include that into my site. I might go out to eat with some friends who happen to do music. When I review that restaurant I will include links to their music. I will do the same with artists and photographers.

Glossy: How do you manage to keep your boyish figure?

Kellen: Well thanks’ for the compliment glossy. I keep my figure by doing palates. No I am just playing. I just stay active. It might come as a surprise, but I am a big believer in being healthy.

Glossy: If you were on death row what would be your last meal?

Kellen: I would get three meals because by the time I get put on death row I will be a famous food personality and The Gluttony will have earned me millions. For breakfast I would have a waffle, eggs over easy with a touch of Lawry’s seasoning salt, hash browns Obrien, and maple honey bacon. I would drench it with ketchup. Most importantly I would need a large cup of coffee with tons of cream and sugar. I like my coffee sweet. For Lunch I would go classic and get chicken fingers and French fries from the Village Inn in Jackson Hole Wyoming. One time I ate their chicken fingers 3 meals a day for 4 days straight on a snowboarding trip. Sings of gluttony at an early age. For dinner I would go surf and turf, mashed potatoes from Mastro’s Steakhouse and a burger from The Gorbals in downtown Los Angeles, and some home made pasta marinara. Are you hungry? Because I am.

Glossy: I enjoy eating vicariously through your site, when are WE going to glut out?

Kellen: You pick the place and the time and I will be there with my G10 in hand.

Glossy: How often do you eat out?

Kellen: Like any respectable man I eat out as much as possible. No pun intended.

(Not like that perves!)

Glossy: I'd imagine eating $150 cheeseburgers could get expensive do you allow yourself a "The Gluttony" food budget?

Kellen: Over indulgence is the name of the game. And let’s face it The Gluttony would not be what it is with a budget. When I want something I go for it full force. I want to be the preeminent source for food in Los Angeles.

Glossy: Do you ever feel embarrassed taking out your camera in some fancy schmancy restaurant and taking photos of your meal?

Kellen: I have been doing the gluttony since 07. I can’t help myself but photograph my food. I will shoot a meal that I have no intention of reviewing. I feel naked with out my camera.

Glossy: Will the gluttony ever go international?

Kellen: Already I have readers from around the world. It is just a matter of time until someone gives me the funds to go international and I’m gone. I eventually want to go on a world tour for different foods for The Gluttony. There is so much out there that I have not yet exposed to my readers…and I want to taste it..NOW!

Glossy: Name 5 people dead or alive that you'd invite to a dinner party and why?

Kellen: There is only one person that I want to dinner with that I can’t do dinner with by picking up the phone and making a call. That person would be my dad. He just passed away and he is the only person I want to do dinner with that I can’t. I miss you dad.

Visit Kellen Reez @ The Gluttony!

You got great boobs QUEENY!

2010-06-10T23:47:00.000-07:00

Name/ location?
The Queen of Evil
Hollywood,CA

Age?
18+

Bra Size?
Au naturaalll, 38DD's

Age of Blossom?
9. What can I say, I was an early bloomer.

What you like and don't like about them?
I like the fact that For how big my boobs are they look pretty good.not too obnoxious but definitely can get your attention.
What I don't like???hmm they are tits what's there Not to like!!!!!???

Do you have a favorite bra?
Anything lace-y, shelf style...makes the twins sit pretty with no probs.

Do you use them to your advantage? Explain.
Not really........people(men imparticular) always want to bite off more than they can chew...boobs isn't enough for these thirsty foo's nowadays.

Whose boobs do you admire?
Kitty Lea....purrfection!!!

Do you like when men (or girls) grab your boobs?
Sure...on certain occasions

Can you put them on the glass?
Ohh,why yes I can..wanna see!?

Whats the strangest thing someone has asked about your breasts?
I don't really get asked anything out of the ordinary...why should they anyway...just shut up and enjoy'em

links:
Twitter.com/queenof_evil

This mom is gettin work done! Shake it!

2010-06-10T23:46:00.000-07:00

I have no words. All I guess I can say is that this is better than the new Lady Gaga video. She can still get it but cmon, YOU KNOW THIS MOM IS A 5 STAR CHICK.

The Boobs loves fat asses!

2010-06-10T23:37:00.000-07:00

We all know that I’m crazy about boobs. I adore my chest, Glossy’s tits are my computer wallpaper, and I can go on for days about areolas. Ever since the blog was born, I don’t feel as creepy when I grab a handful of beautiful breasts, hell its even encouraged! But I got to admit something...

As much as I enjoy being a boob connoisseur, I fucking love asses. Like really really love it! Anytime I see a great ass out and about, I will definitely do a head turn, drop the Rayban shades, and mouth a silent “daaaaaaaaamn”. Girls that have big fat asses have it made in my opinion. Coco, Kim K, RiRi, ya’ll are on one. Not only do I appreciate your apple bottoms, I desperately want my own. I don’t give a shit if I have to pay for it too, as long as someone can get me Nicki Minaj’s surgeon’s number. I want a big ass you can see from the front , I want butt cleavage, and I want to wear white spandex pants all day ERRYDAY! But in all seriousness, I love what I got in the top region but I was a tad insecure in regards to my derriere. My girlfriend Lax had this bubble ass that went on for days and whenever we went out I secretly stuck it way out just to feel up to par with her junky trunk. So before I let this turn into a ridiculous ramble session about what I want cause I don’t have it (DO NOT let me get started on my straight vs curly hair banter) , lets end it here with my favorite ass photos.

To all you ladies with big booties, I got more love for you than you know!

I wanna know what this bitch is eating. DAMN BUFFY!

nails did!

2010-06-10T23:22:00.000-07:00

So we've been getting hit up to post new nails did and after getting a bomb.com set the other day I felt it was only more than appropriate! Enjoy gals and some boys.

HAY YOU GUYS

2010-06-10T22:57:00.000-07:00

Its been forever and I do apologize. I felt like a jerk not writing in the longest time but thank god Glossy held it down while I was failing at booby blogging. It's not my fault, I've been grinding with a broken computer. Technology is a bitch and can be detrimental when I got tons of rants but no time/laptop to write them down. Basically, my bad for the absence. But I'm back! Guess what else is back? TheBoobs on facebook! Those jerks tried to hold us down and booted our original fan page quite some time ago. I had been hoping they'd reactivate it but of course they ignored my many harassing emails regarding it. So eff that noise, we still going to shine! Fan us! Show us your boobs! Show us your ass! Tell us whats on your mind! We got the innernet going nuts. Stay tuned for tons of new posts, its going to be like Christmas.
The Boobs | Promote Your Page Too

Kat Smacks !

2010-06-01T02:58:00.000-07:00

Kat Stacks is back at it again and sadly her incoherent rants about star fucking, broke rappers, and little dicks have caught up to her. :(

The video is apparently of one of Fabolous's goons smacking the shit out of Kat and telling her to "apologize" to Fab and Bow Wow for all of the controversial drama that she's caused. Obviously, we all know hitting women is wrong but I have a good feeling that she knew she had it coming. I'm actually surprised she hasn't caught a more ruthless beating or that no one's paid to have her bumped off . Unfortunately, getting beaten up are just some of the many perks of being a loud mouth prostitute. Even though beating up Kat Stacks would be about as gratifying as beating up a retarded infant, I can see the appeal.

I guess the only thing shocking Kat can do now is clean up her act. You know by "Finding Jesus" like Foxy Brown or perhaps she can just sit the fuck down somewhere and stop with all. I think I smell a Tyra Banks interview/intervention! so necessary, Beeeeeeeeeeitch!

Cake Hats

2010-05-26T02:47:00.000-07:00

Our fellow blogging bruja Marie aka Agent Lover has been cooking up some delectable little treats...for your head.

"Each Cake Hat is individually handcrafted, so no two hats are exactly alike. The exterior is hand-painted, hand-”frosted”, and topped off with a shiny berry, while the inside is lined with sparkling felt. The Cake Hats are held securely on the head by a durable translucent elastic headband, giving the appearance of a freely floating pastry on your noggin."

If I seen someone wearing a cake on their head I probably wouldn't be able to resist the urge to bite into it, sorta like a zombie. My friend Sarah absolutely hated the idea of the cake hat and of me wanting to wear a cake on my head for my birthday but I feel birthdays are meant for cakes, and so are photo shoots and costume parties. Love 'em or hate 'em the cake hat is $60 bucks and you can order them in an array of colors at THE BAKERY

Random Trend: Brunch.

2010-05-24T21:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Brunch,

I don't get you.

First of all, I HATE the word brunch. Actually I think I hate "bruncheon" more. When I think of brunch I think of yuppies, the geriatrics ward, and church (none of which sound appealing). Breakfast/lunch? What time does this even take place? I've always hated breakfast so for me to wake up early just to eat something I could have ordered at noon seems pointless.

However, It's become pretty common now on Sunday mornings to see disheveled, wayfarer sporting couples chatting over Eggs Benedict and sipping mimosas on the patio of some trendy cafe in LA. Seriously guys? What are you? 65? Are you gonna start playing Bingo and attending ice cream socials too? I guess the only cool part about brunch is the fact that I can drink all of the alcohol disguised in juice that I want without strangers thinking I'm a total lush.

All in all I guess "brunching" isn't so bad, it's even safe to say that Brunch is the new $5 cupcake.

Boobs of the weak.

2010-05-24T21:22:00.000-07:00

Too bad I don't know her, otherwise she'd be our next boobs of the week.

Disney Princesses get hooked up!

2010-05-19T23:33:00.000-07:00

"Marvel comic artist J. Scott Campbell gave the Disney girls a hyper-sexualized, comic book reimagining."

Hey J.Scott Campbell, thanks for the disney softcore pron courtesy 2010. I am digging it very much so, please dont let me stop you and keep on going with Jasmine and Mulan. Thanks from the bottom of my heart behind my well endowed chest. Desboobs.

Source

This is BoneTown USA

2010-05-19T16:43:00.000-07:00

I recently caught this at TheFrisky today while doing a long awaited browse on the interwebz. If you haven't guessed from my Street Fighter article that I posted awhile back, we here at TheBoobs also geek out on video games. We get down with the classics and even try to fuck with Xbox/Wii shit (drunk of course, we don't have the attention span for it as much without a cocktail or two). So when I saw this, I naturally thought "Oh wut, porn and video games? and its not Hentai so I wont feel AS creepy!" I watched the trailer that was featured and while generally at TheFrisky they are completely grossed out about the obvious stereotypes and blatant sexist shit, I guess I have a stomach for it? I think I'd play a game or two? Its like the dumber more sexually explicit tramp ugly sister of Leisure suit Larry that you're fucking just to get closer to the game of your dreams. I mean, sure I could NOT, but I think it deserves a pizza party, some beers, and a hand jam session. Welcome to Bonetown, I'm your newest resident.

We love Wes Borland! He loves us back!

2010-05-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

Lets go back in time and shoot for 1999.
It was the year right before 2K0 and Will Smith was taking over MTV like he was the new Willenium and we thought,"fuck this shit, im an angry asshole and A.D.I.D.A.S (all day I dream about sex, duh)". We enjoyed orange jumpsuits and wore ball chains. We thought rap metal saved our existence of of a teenage life. And of course with every music craze, there has to be some sort of sassy dreamboat of the sorts; someone that sticks out in our mind. A face we could put in our folder and draw hearts on, and pretend that every time they do what they do musicareerfully, we'd be the ones they were thinking of.

OH and it happened! You may have been thinking, Jonathan Davis of Korn? Chino Moreno of The Deftones? Nope!
Wes Borland was the elected Prom King of my teenage existence. He was a quiet black contacted' eyed dream lover which I knew who would come around. And guess what, he did. He came around, got hot(ter).. got awesome(er), got hitched, became an oil painter, and wore that bunnysuit in my dreams! We here at TheBoobs got love for him (massively), and you know what, he showed me his wife's cleavage. Wes you're the man. You my man. TheBoobs thanks you and btw Fanzies, Limp Bizkit is back together. Grab your fav Hot Topic memorabilia, its time to tailgate rapcore style.

Hi Wes, how are you? What are you doing right this second?

I'm really great. Right now I'm just finishing cleaning up the wreck that is my music/painting studio. I have some folks coming over to record guitars for a film this week and I'm trying to make it look as professional as possible over here so nobody gets freaked out.

Did you know that many of us we’re like 13 year old fans of yours? I mean you were the babe of Limp Bizkit.

Well, now I'm an old fart. Maybe you shouldn't have done this interview with me because now I'm that person in high school you see years later on Facebook. My mental image should not have been updated.

Do you ever wear your black contacts randomly just because? What happened to your bunny costume?

Yeah, of course I do. I wear them all the time. The bunny costume has been retired. It's moth eaten and hanging like a sad sack in storage.

What are you currently up to music wise? Still with good ol LB? What have you been doing in the last 5+ years?

After parting with Bizkit, I dropped out of everything for a while. I was having a weird time dealing with things that had been happening and needed a break from being all over the place. When I finally got over just sitting around bitching all the time about this and that, I started playing in smaller bands to get my feet wet again before forming my own project: Black Light Burns. BLB put out a couple of records and toured a lot. I also began concentrating on oil painting a lot more intensely than I had in the past and was in a few group shows. If you've never seen my visual art before you can check it out at theborlandgallery.com .... I've been doing a lot of remix and soundtrack work, was briefly in Marilyn Manson. Last year I worked things out with LB and have been touring and making a new record which comes out this summer. We'll be on tour in the US with Ice Cube as direct support and then heading over to Europe in the late summer/ early fall. For some reason, it's all going really well. There are a TON of people that hate Limp Bizkit, but there seem to be many many more that apparently love the band. The shows have been huge and amazing and it's a lot more fun for us now because we figured out how to get along with each other. My other band, BLB, will hopefully be putting out another record next year.

Are you aware that your latest picture on google makes you look slightly like Dave Grohl? Do you like Dave? He led my friend on and touched her hand at a local bar here in LA. What a douche right? Btw you’re hotter than Dave.

I was not aware of that. I try to avoid reading about myself as much as I can. I feel like it distorts what I'm doing creatively even if it's good press. Do I sound up my own ass? That's because I am! I think Dave Grohl is a handsome man. If I had to go on a date with a guy, it would be Dave. I didn't know touching someone's hand was so risque. Did he touch her hand with his finger? With his penis? With a cigarette? Please explain.

So you like boobs obviously, what’s your favorite size?

My wife has the most perfect boobs I've ever seen. She claims they're 34 B's but there's no way. I'm in a painting group with Michael Hussar (famous rad painter namedrop for you) and we see a lot of boobs. Even Mike said there's no way she's a B when she modeled for us. She bursts out of her bras. I'm very lucky.

Fred Durst seems like an asshole, but a misunderstood asshole. Whats your favorite thing about him? His baby blue eyes? His thin hair? Im partial to bald guys so that’s obviously the winner for me.

Well, that's kind of a good thing right? A lot of people think I'm an asshole too. Or maybe they just think I'm a moron. If you were to sit down with Fred and talk to him one on one for 5 minutes, I can almost guarantee you'd like the guy. He's one of those people that gets very polarized reactions. I've always had a tendency to be drawn to things that people react to in that way, and Fred, just like all of us as a band, have people that love to hate him (and us). We even sell shirts at shows that say "I FUCKING HATE LIMP BIZKIT" on them. People abhorring LB has really become an integral part of the band. His baby blues are sweet. It's hard to not get a halfy when staring into them for too long.

How did you come across TheBoobs? I lost my shit when I saw that you followed me on twitter. Glossy and I squealed for about 5 minutes. Do you think we’re cute?

You guys are like teddy bears covered with sandpaper and very entertaining. I think I saw a blurb on Vice or Street Carnage about The Boobs and have been transfixed ever since.

Favorite place to travel while on tour?

I really love Europe. Paris, Berlin, Tallinn, St. Petersburg, Moscow. Anywhere the sun sets really late in the summer. Having beers with friends and a bunch of new people you just met outside at 11pm when the sun is still up is amazing. I like hunting for museums that have medieval arms and armour collections or medical oddities and curiosities. I like being a tourist as much as possible on days off. I climb cathedral towers.

If you could be any animal, what would you be? Why?

I would be a Grizzly Bear. You get to sleep a lot, eat sushi pretty much exclusively, and yell at everyone. Can you beat that?

Whats the craziest thing a fan has done?

I had a pregnant woman crying one time trying to get me to bless the unborn child in her stomach. She had her teenage daughter there with her and they were trying to get me to draw on their arms so they could get whatever I scribbled on them tattooed. I've drawn on people knowing that they plan on getting tattooed many times, but the preggers mother-daughter thing was too creepy. I also refused to autograph people with razor blades a bunch of times. I've never cut anyone's skin with a razor and I don't ever plan on it. No.

If I invited you to a bday party, would you come? It would probably be at a strip club.

First thought: Who could say no to that?

Second thought: I'm a bit socially awkward and being thrown into a fully floored situation with a bunch of new people who are ready to let it rip sounds intimidating. I'd be thrilled to be invited though. Will you take a 'maybe'? Happy Birthday.

Frenemies: bffs for the delusional.

2010-05-17T23:13:00.000-07:00

Someone had approached me to write about this subject but I had never really encountered this scandalous shit until this year. And when I did, I was astonished, stupefied, shocked, and flabbergasted; I was whatever the hell words I can pull out of my portable thesaurus to describe surprised. I couldn’t believe it, I’m talking about frenemies.

And of course, I’m talking about us girls (or gay guys). Men don’t have the attention span to do this nor even think about doing it. They’re over squabbles in 10 minutes max where at 10 minutes we are just getting started. Like I said, since I never experienced it before, I didn’t know what to look for. I love my friends. I love new friends. I just like hanging out and meeting new people. Believe it or not, I’m a complete sweetheart. I’m also naïve as fuck. So “YAY I LUVZ MY PALS” turns into a “Woah where did that come from? Did she really just do that? I feel stupid and sad cause she’s supposed to be my fwiend”. But after going through two separate situations with 2 different “friends”, I’ve been quick to notice the signs of a frenemy. You know those girls, the ones that have remarks for everything, with a smile on her face of course!

Here are some of them that I picked up upon. Save em or not, I know I have them etched into my memory for future “friendships” out there.

1. She flirts with all your exboyfriends and makes remarks about how your current babe is hot and she thinks she could have gotten him (Yes this was said to me).

2. You both agree to go on a diet yet she tries to sabotage you so she can be skinnier than you.

3. She wants to know every detail of your life whenever you “catch up” so she can eventually make a fake twitter to talk shit on you and try and put you on blast (Yes this happened to me as well. So awesome right??)

4. She borrows your clothes and tells you that it fits her body better before giving it back to you

5. She sleeps with the guy you’ve had on a crush on all summer and her response: “it just happened”.

6. She tells you that she has a hard time being friends with girls because they are all jealous of her (FOR SOME REASON!)

I don’t have much but man these girls weren’t frenemies, they were cunts. Anyways, I’m sure you know slightly less disgusting version of a frenemy. Feel free to rant, discuss, whatever.

Happy birthday Glossy Loca!!!

2010-05-16T21:17:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to my babydoll Ms Glossyloca! Its your party and you can cry if you want to. Or throw drinks on girls if you want to. Or drink wine out of a box and scream in guys faces talking shit about their mandals if you want to. I love you and yes girl this Saturday is going to be ridiculous. A true Boobs party at a strip club? With chicken wings? Hoodrats? A dream come true! Lets paint this town blood red and celebrate another year of wickedness.

I got you two cats.

and a cat cake

We are going to get down for your bday!

Fashion Trend: Pastel Lips

2010-05-14T03:23:00.000-07:00

I guess I didn't get the memo but according to The Fashion Seen pastel lips are "in" right now ? I'm all for "artistic" expression but this just reminds me of Tyrone Biggums' ashy looking crack lips, or like something from a low budget Sci-Fi movie. Clearly, I'm no André Leon Talley calling shots but... isn't this just an obvious no-no?

some of the things people have been trying to pull off in the streets these days has really been bringing the LULZ. Both of these poor girls really should choke out that lying S.O.B that told them this "look" was "fierce".

JIZZ HANDS

2010-05-11T20:00:00.000-07:00

BLEACH BLACK has launched their newest shade of nail polish that has all the bwoggers raving. A fantastic summer shade of milky white appropriately named "Jizz". It's too bad they didn't really push the envelope by making a matching shade of lip gloss, hahaa. Oh well, maybe they'll make an "Aunt Flo" red lipstick? Either way, my birthday is in a week and I want this. You can purchase "Jizz" for $12.95 at Need Supply Co.

You got great boobs Marsha Ann!

2010-05-10T15:29:00.000-07:00

Name/ location?
Marsha Ann, San Francisco, CA

Age?
21

Bra Size?
32dd

Age of Blossom?
18,I was a 34b all through high school

What you like and don't like about them?
I like that I can keep money, lip gloss & keys comfortably in my bra. And of course they look amazing in (and out) of everything.

Do you have a favorite bra?
Its really hard to find cute bras in my size so i'll pretty much wear whatever looks cute and gives me a decent amount of support. I LOVE bikini tops, they make the mammaries look super official.

Do you use them to your advantage?
I use my boobs to my advantage a minimum of 5 times a day. If a dude isn't doing what I want I give em the ole pout & bounce. For those who are not hip to the jive the pout & bounce is exactly what it sounds like.. bat the eyes, frown a little and bounce up & down. Don't bounce to high or for too long cause then you're just being a cocktease..just a little bounce Is all it takes ladies.

Whose boobs do you admire?
Vivica Foxx & Jennifer Love Hewitt have beautiful natural boobies! But I'm also a sucker for a good looking set of implants (I'm more against small boobs than I am fake boobs)

Do you like when men (or girls) grab your boobs?
In middle school back when I was flat chested a boy I had a crush on gave me a tittie twister that I'll never forget, since then I've been very weird about letting people touch my boobs. But if I had to choose I d prefer a woman do it, they have a more sensitive touch.

Can you put them on the glass?
I can put em here,there & everywhere baby.

What’s the strangest thing someone has asked about your breasts?
After my first hubba ad(www.hubbawheels.com) came out in Thrasher(www.thrashermagazine.com) some random fat girl started telling people my boobs were fake.So I tend to have random fools coming up to me asking if my boobs are real or if they can touch them. Which to me is a compliment.... they re so unbelievably perfect that hoes are doubting their authenticity, I love it!

Links:
twitter.com/_marshaann_
myspace.com/vegetarians_doitbetter

HUBBA HUBBA !

2010-05-06T18:32:00.000-07:00

If our blog had a little brother it would probably be HUBBA. Mostly because they like showcasing babes with big chi chi's just like us! not only do they have a cool name, but I love their ads HUBBA X THE BOOBS collab? We widdit.

Kobe pissed somebody off...

2010-05-06T18:18:00.001-07:00

I mean I just cant stop staring at this picture! so many questions run through my mind like "why was the stylist so mad at him?" hahaha

Desboobs and I loved this so much that we decided to make Kobe our twitter life.

And that's not all fellow Kobe fans.

HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO! !

2010-05-05T13:11:00.000-07:00

Cinco De Mayo in Los Angeles is always pretty awesome! it's basically the Mexican version of St. Patty's day in terms of getting drunk just for the sake of having an excuse to be drunk on your lunch break. Generally there's lots of good food, margaritas, and shots! shots! shots! Olvera Street in downtown Los Angeles is possibly the best look for today, So i'll be heading down there for lunch and some cervezas. Happy Cinco De Mayo ya'll!

Gross Trend: Socks & Heels

2010-05-03T01:23:00.000-07:00

I want you all to think back to the first time you saw a girl wearing a pair of UGGS in the middle of summer. Sure, she had on a mini skirt to keep the rest of her body cool, but her feet...they were covered in sheep's wool. Do you remember the hatred, disgust, and confusion you felt upon witnessing this tragedy ? Well that's exactly how I feel when I see you strutting around in your socks and high heels. Sure it looks fun and flirty on the runway, but to the rest of us you look like an Asian grandma. You know the ones that wear those giant visors and mittens at the beach? I mean, this look is about as bad as socks with sandals... MANDALS even! not only are you telling the world "Hello world, I'm too lazy for a pedicure" but you're ruining a pair of otherwise really cute sockless-shoes. Seriously, leave this trend in the pages of Nylon magazine where it belongs.

TGIF! Freaky Fridays!

2010-04-30T10:58:00.000-07:00

Thank God it's Friday! The Boobs have been busy, busy, busy! working hard for that $$$. Day jobs suck, however, we'll be posting new stories, New boobs of the week and showing off our 3 winner's of the 2Bitchez Deep contest! So Stay tuned kiddies ;)

Coochie Cocaine

2010-04-29T14:07:00.000-07:00

We've all heard of "coke dick" but coke giney? this shit was just too good to be true. Apparently in Pam Grier's newest memoir titled Foxy: My life In three Acts she reveals a hysterical story about a visit to her Doctor during her love affair with Richard Pryor and his coke dick (literally)

He said, “Pam, I want to tell you about an epidemic that’s prevalent in Beverly Hills right now. It’s a buildup of cocaine residue around the cervix and in the vagina. You have it. Are you doing drugs?”

“No,” I said, astonished.

“Well, it’s really dangerous,” he went on. “Is your partner putting cocaine on his penis to sustain his erection?”

“No,” I said, “not that I know of. It’s not like he has a pile of cocaine next to the bed and he dips his penis in it before we have sex.” I had a nauseating flash of one of Richard’s famous lines: Even my dick has a cocaine jones.

“Are you sure he isn’t doing it in the bathroom before he comes to bed?” the doctor asked.

“That’s a possibility,” I said. “You know, I am dating Richard Pryor.”

“Oh, my God,” he said. “We have a serious problem here. If he’s not putting it on his skin directly, then it’s worse because the coke is in his seminal fluid.”

The best part of this story being when Pam's doctor apparently asked if her mouth went "numb" when she performed oral on Pryor, to which she replied "yes", and having her doctor explain to her the Novocaine-like effects of cocaine use.

Ya'll thought Rick James was joking ...Now don't go getting any ideas.

A Ginger Genocide !

2010-04-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on Vimeo.

We here at The Boobs hold a very special place in our hearts for all the frecker faces of the world. We LOVE THE GINGEYS! Which is why when I watched this new M.I.A video I sorta died a little bit on the inside, but that's beside the point. M.I.A is "controversial" to me for all of the right reasons. I love the song, and if her new album sounds anything like it I'm all for it! love ya, girl!

DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ME PUNCHING MYSELF?!

2010-04-25T23:17:00.001-07:00

Im so confused.

Boobs tube! Videos galore!

2010-04-22T23:34:00.000-07:00

Since it's practically Friday and this IS a blog about boobs and all things that are great about them, I thought I'd share some extremely visually pleasing videos from Jacques Magazine. I had seen this first video flying around the web for the last week or so and thought hot damn what a cute bowling outfit! Is that almost a nipple?! I contemplated for a good few days on posting it but then after I discovered the rest of the sultry NSFW videos, to Hell with it! These videos are perfect for the weekend to get you riled up and YES that the last vid is for you peeping toms. Anyways, I can't get enough of it and thought you would like. Enjoy the boobs my sweets.

NSFW

I LOVE this girl. Smokers delight.

TheBoobs brings you BAD SEX!

2010-04-21T23:49:00.000-07:00

Bad sex is never okay. It is well, bad. But you know what is okay, TALKING ABOUT IT! I know for a fact, I've experienced some weird, bad, and just plain ole awkward sex. And just like the rest of my friends, we love to trade and share stories. It makes light of the whole situation and hell if you're like me, you cant wait to make your pals grossed out/laugh their ass off/swear off sex for ever. I can go on about mine but I figured it's time to stop talking about me and get to hear from our awesome readers! I asked a few weeks back on twitter and facebook and here are some of the hilarious responses we got. I feel like this should be a reoccuring post so please, if you want to kiss and tell, by all means email us at Theboobsblog@gmail.com. Have some good sex everyone!

"So I was dating this chick who is actually a pretty big porn star. She was known for her anal scenes. I had fucked her a bunch of times, but never in the ass and was dying to do so. we went to this place Sardo's in the valley for porn star karaoke and she got super drunk. We get back to her place and go straight to the bedroom. I was kinda buzzed and really fucking her hard. She starts begging me to fuck her in the ass so I get pretty pumped. She had a huge bed that was really high off the floor and her little Chihuahua was on the floor growling at me as I was slamming her from behind. She climbs on top of me and starts doing reverse cowgirl with me in her ass. I am decently endowed and she was taking the whole thing. After about a minute or two there started to be a pretty gamey smell in the room. My legs started to feel really warm and I looked down and she had shit all over me and all over my legs and the bed. There was so much shit and because I was on my back it was literally rolling up my ass. I screamed and pushed her off and yelled that she shit all over me. She runs away and locks herself in the bathroom. I look down and see all the shit and then I puke all over her bed and all over her little yapping fucking dog that was on the side of the bed. She wont let me in the bathroom so I basically walked into the kitchen and washed my balls and ass in her sink. There was shit all over her dishes and counter. I used her dishtowel to dry off and took a trashbag from under the sink area in case I puked on my way home which I did about three times. i drove myself home and never spoke to her again...."

"I had hung out a few times with this guy i had gone to high school with. We were never really close friends but did run into each other occasionally after graduating & had managed to keep in touch through facebook. So one night after a few drinks & a few confessions, we hooked up. I admit, I had a bad break up & hadn't really messed around with anyone for about 6 months, so I was a little nervous...& the first time you have sex with someone new, there's always a bit of awkwardness when you see them naked for the first time & vice versa..

I've somehow managed to have sex with guys with decent sized dicks & his was well...on the small side. I had never been with a guy his size & was curious to see how different it would be & hoping he knew what to do. turns out he was more nervous than I was. We had been making out & feeling each other up & finally get to where he was about to penetrate me...but he gets so nervous he goes limp...so I suck & rub on him until he's hard enough to start having sex & 2 minutes into having sex...he cums. He gets embarrassed & starts apologizing...to which i had to console him & say "oh that's fine...don't be nervous...don't worry about it." We lay there for a bit before he makes a second attempt. This time we get to 4 minutes before he cums. More apologizing & consoling occurs & dude makes a 3rd attempt.This time we go slower hoping he'll last longer, which seems to be working and even though he's noticeably smaller it feels good & I start moaning a bit...which sets him off & he cums again. This time we got to about 8 minutes.

We decide to call it a night & just try to fall asleep. at this point...I'm still super horny & still sexually frustrated but eventually fall asleep anyways. In the middle of the night...I'm woken by a loud fart. The guy sits straight up to check to see if i heard him...I chuckle & try to play it off & say it wasn't me it was you & he gets embarrassed & starts mumbling about an upset stomach & runs to the bathroom...by now, I'm thinking this can't get any worse. Well, in his rush to the bathroom, he forgets to close the door to my bedroom so as he's taking a dump I hear every fart he lets out & I could hearing him talking to himself saying, "geez!" we haven't hung out again after that night."

"The first time I had sex with my last boyfriend he was half asleep and we were watching Kung-Fu Panda because nothing better was on, I was really horny and I was making it pretty obvious so he flips me on my back, pulls my dress up and panties down, then he checked I was wet and skipped ALL foreplay, and only pulled his trousers down and if that didn't kill the mood enough he made no sound whatsoever and as he was hovering about me I couldn't really look elsewhere, so there's me moaning whilst he's looking at me silently bopping up and down, not breaking eye contact, and his cold stomach (I'm pretty petite and he was on the slightly bigger side) kept bumping into mine, then a droplet of sweat from his hair landed on my LIP, and he slowly pushed me up the bed until my head hit the solid wooden headboard...the relationship didn't last much longer"

"So I was hanging out with this girl, a really hot girl who seemed a bit perverse but I didn't mind. She was twenty years old at the time and still living with her parents, but I was horny so I didn't mind. I went over to her place and we instantly started hooking up. She took her off shirt and unleashed her bra which released two of the most exquisite breast I'd ever seen. I was blown away by every part of her body including her extraordinary, flawless breasts. She quickly hopped on my raging cock and began to ride it like it was going to cure all her ills. I was so excited I was about to blow until...her step-dad walked into the kitchen across the room from us completely naked. At this point I thought bailing was the only option to save some face but she didn't seem to have the same idea. She began to ride me harder and harder, staring at her step-dad enjoying every moment of the strange encounter. When she came I knew I had stumbled into a situation beyond my comprehension but was still really turned on in the end."

"In a span of 9 hours, the following happend:

Met this awesome dude. I was talking to him for a few weeks, I finally agreed on a date.

Date night: I looked amazing and hot as shit. He picked me up, we went to DTLA just hung out, talked, laughed. Everything was going great and we were totally feeling each other... a few bars later and me acting a damn fool after too many cocktails, I began to get saucy so I told him to take me home.

That was fail #1.

He took me to 7/11, bought me a slurpee. Called my girl and told her he was totally going to get laid for buying a cherry slurpee. I don't know. I was drunk and that seemed logical at the time. We went to his pad, and basically got down to it. The undressing game was like unwrapping a big christmas present except when I took off his pants, it was like discovering that dope Huffy you wanted as a kid, turned out to be some lame ass "Sucky" that your parents could afford. His dick was tiny. The size of my middle finger of all things, and lemme just say: I have small ass hands. UGHHHH. Ok wutevs.

THAT was fail #2.

HE COULDN'T KEEP IT UP. Blaming it on ex gf issues. Ugh. Gross.

Ugh, thanks for the FAIL, #3.

So whatever, we fell asleep. I let that shit slide thinking the morning sex would be amazing. Well at 6am there was a phone call to his cell phone: CRAZY ASS EX GIRLFRIEND WAS OUTSIDE HIS DOOR. He shoved me into his bathroom, said: "GET YOUR CLOTHES AND HIDE IN THE BATHROOM".

WTF.

I was thinking "Way to go Steph, 6am after a bad drunken rager is always an awesome time to get your ass beat by a crazy ass ex gf." 2 hours later, comes in, and apologizes. I say I'm going home. OH COOL I FORGOT HE DROVE.

Soon starts the most awful awkward 10 Minute drive home.

Never talked to him again. The End."

"I was dating a girl that was a sticky cummer and I had to use toothpaste to finally get her stink off in the shower. Anyways her and I were at my friends four story home in the hills in newbury park. The house was on the side of a mountain so you entered on the 3rd floor. We decided to have sex in a bathroom on the first floor so we vanished. When we got in there she didn't want the lights on for some reason. We had sex and I tried doing anal on her which was my first time trying it but I couldn't get it in and she wanted to stop. We finished up regular sex and I turned the lights on to put our clothes back on when I noticed that not only did she have skidmarks, but that her panties were completely soaked through on the underside...(brown stains) :( we never had sex again!"

"I was having sex with this girl on Superbowl Sunday. I was being extremely careful and caring because it was her first time and I didn't wanna just bust in there like a cop kicking down a crack dealer's door.
I was very tentative, would stop penetrating when she told me to and go slowly when she wanted me too. It was a long grueling process. I just wanted to stick it in there and get it over with. No matter how much I promised her that it's gonna start feeling good after the initial pain, she won't believe me. A couple of minutes later, I was finally in. In my mind im like "Yess! Time to get down to business!"
She looked down on her vagina and started freaking out because she was bleeding. She kicked me out of bed, causing me to hit my head on the the little entertainment center she got set up in front of her bed. Me hitting the entertainment center caused the tv to fall flat on my chest/stomach causing her to scream even louder....
Her screams were loud enough that it caused her father and her father's buddies to break her bedroom door down to check up on her. There I was, laying buttnaked on the floor, hard on covered with blood(not a lot), arms around the TV trying to get it off me.

Never saw her again. On top of that, I missed the Janet Jackson nip slip. ARGGGHHHHHH."

A Cupcake's Demise.

2010-04-21T03:01:00.000-07:00

Remember when the cupcake craze hit a few years ago? and everyone became "obsessed" with buying $5 cupcakes from these fancy pastel colored "urban bakeries"? Yeah, I do too. Do you also remember when girls started getting them tattooed? I actually almost fell victim to this trend(shut up), until I told my best friend about wanting a cupcake tattoo and then she went and got one on her foot before me, so then I didn't want it anymore, and thank god. Sorry to say ladies, but the cupcake tattoo like it's tribal band, nautical star, and unicorn predecessors... have officially found their place on the flash sheet of shame. The only way a cupcake should be worn is in the form of flab on your thighs, not permanently embedded into your skin. Farewell, my sweets! you were cute while it lasted.

honorable mentions: the candy sleeve :(
All Things Cupcake tattoos

He Got Game!

2010-04-21T00:41:00.000-07:00

According to the Urbandictonary.com

1.Spitting Game

To use charm, wit, humor, or other means to verbally let a female know that you are interested in her.

Having decent "Game" is probably one of the trickiest of all male art forms. I know a lot of men say that they'd never want to experience a day in the life of being a woman because of things like periods or childbirth, however, I'd never want to be a guy. Using my charm, wit, or humor to pick up on chicks seems really hard, especially because most women's "standards" are generally much higher than a man's... at least while she's sober. TLC's "No Scrubs" didn't do guys any favors either when they broke down all of the things we DIDN'T want out of a man in the form of a song. No car? Stays at home with his mama? No money? Yeah, you get the idea. However, The Sporty Thievz had a funny "come back" song for the fellas about not wanting "pigeons". Great song, but in my opinion sounds to me like these dudes got their feelings hurt when they realized that hollering at girl's from the passenger side window was in fact NAGL and an ineffective way of picking up chicks.

As corny as this sounds, I'm not gonna front on guys with "game". Some days when you're looking busted in the grocery store and a smooth talking dude creeps up asking for your # it's a great ego booster. Even if you didn't give him the right number, it still feels great to know he actually took the chance at "spitting game" to you. Which brings me to guys trying to holler at you in the mall! WHY?! Do I look 16? the worst is If I’m talking on my phone,and a guy comes up to me and says "can I talk to you for a minute?" Um, no.. Can't you see that I’m already ON the phone? I’m not interrupting my telephone conversation for you, so please stop following me. In the words of Geisha 305 "Just walking' up and talkin'? Bitch I ain't friendly". Keep it moving!

I'd say that nightclubs/bars are perhaps the absolute worst when it comes to guys doing corny shit to impress girls. Flashing your wads of hundreds (mixed with singles of course) at the bar? Name-dropping all of the "celebs" you've worked with? No one cares. While writing this I actually thought about all of the different types of "game" each race of guy has when it comes to courting the opposite sex because some really do have their own techniques. All Racial stereotypes and PC'ness aside here are some of them...

White guy game: White guy game is simple: NOT having game IS their game. White guys can either take it or leave it. They're not going to go out of their way to talk to you in a bar, or stalk your life on the boardwalk. They may give you "the eye" to let you know they're interested and after you take the incentive to approach them they'll chit chat with you for a few minutes, offer to buy you a drink, and continue to charm you with their "wit" ..but that's about it.

Black guy game: this song basically sums up black guy game.

Mexican Game: Mexicans are infamous for those awesome cat calls, you know the ones that sounds something like a hissing sound? "psssst psssssssst aye girl... aye girl." Pysas are the best! especially on those hot summer days when you're walking down a busy street and they lean out the windows to whistle at you or yell stuff as they pass by? Mexican guys also like holding your arm and talking too close to your face.

Azn guy game: This was a tough one because historically speaking Asian guys have always gotten a bad rap in the love department (if you catch my drift) *cough*small penis*cough* I've personally never had the pleasure of being hit on by an AZN guy, So I asked a few of my friends "what is Azn guy game?" and naturally I got the stereotypical answers: "Racing their rice rockets", "Hanging out at Game stop" However, I also heard that AZN guys are known to "impress" girls by showing off their fancy footwork! Who would've thought? Apparently AZN guys spend lots of time perfecting their finest ABDC dance moves to pick up chicks in the club. I'm not really sure how well that works out for them, because I find guys that are better dancers than me to be one of two things: Gay or In the closet gay. Perhaps AZN guys are in fact the real Casanovas of ALL the races, and everyone else feels threatened by them so they make up ridiculous lies about Asians having "no game". OR.... it could possibly be the perpetuation of racial stereotypes...sorta like this blog post. ;)

Khia's got a new music video? LOL BRB WUT.

2010-04-19T19:44:00.001-07:00

Khia took a break from talking random ass capitalized twitter shit (I swear she has that locked down to a T! I don't think I've ever read something and been so confused yet stimulated in my entire life. I know what pedobear feels like). And yes ladies and gents, she's back to making music! Khia has been a bad girl and she cant help talking about it. In constant harmony sounding a lil too much like her "my neck my back" hit, Khia channels her inner wheretheydothatat/rupaulsdragrace/ladygarbage look inspired by the other stranger bitch Kelis. But you know what, I'm not complaining. She has no shame, tried out for a rapper show on VH1, and her tits make me cry. You go ahead Khia, you keep being bad.

You got great boobs JASMIN!

2010-04-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

Name/ location?
Jasmin Rodriguez, New York

Age?
23

Bra Size?
34B

Age of Blossom?
12

What you like and don't like about them?
I don't dislike anything about them, I think they are perfectly fine, not too small, not too big. Boobs have never been a big deal to me.

Do you have a favorite bra?
I have many favorite bra's, I used to work at Agent Provocateur so I have a shit ton of bras that I love. If I had to choose though, It would be my nude bra that has black barbed wire stitched all over it. Its called Machina from Agent Provocateurs witches collection and it kicks MAJOR ass.

Do you use them to your advantage?
Nope. I really don't care to show off my boobs, It never really crosses my mind so its funny that I am on this website talking about them lol. I do however have a J.Lo booty and that, no matter WHAT I WEAR, always snags the attention of bystanders.

Whose boobs do you admire?
hmmm I don't know, I don't think I admire anyones boobs lol. I will tell you after working in the lingerie field for almost 3 years, I have had my share of experiences where I've seen boobs I could never admire. Fake boobs make me cringe and gag a little on some women who don't need them.

Do you like when men (or girls) grab your boobs?
Sure if he's my boyfriend, if he isn't I would gladly castrate him for doing so. Im very old fashioned, if you aren't one of my gal pals being silly, you will get kicked in the nuts lol.

Can you put them on the glass?
put them on the what? lol

What's the strangest thing someone has asked about your breasts?
People never ask me anything about my breasts lol, I hardly have any lol!

links:
VintageVandalizm.com
Twitter.com/vintagevandal

Bieber fever!

2010-04-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

I don’t know if you guys got the memo but there seems to be an epidemic with our young children lately. My friends daughter, my niece, a few nephews, hell even some mothers have caught it. Its what we all have grown to know as “Bieber Fever”. Yeah it doesn’t sound serious, in fact it sounds kind of cute, but don’t be fooled! Bieber Fever is dangerous and deadly! It also hides in the form of a 15 year old Ellen Page of our dreams and comes fully equipped with heart felt harmonies with random ass folk like Ludacris (so random Luda) and Urshur. I got to admit, I was just getting over the Jonas Brothers flu and then this tween had to come and wipe out my whole family. He’s cute, he hasn’t hit puberty yet, he dances almost as good as Justin Timberlake, and makes 2 year olds’ think they have a chance in hell with marrying him. I don’t know if there is going to be a cure out there anytime soon for shaggy haired lesbian sweeping our nation but until then, ill probably just stay under the radar, most likely some bar where he cant find me for another 6 years. And least by then, his tweenage fans will be in high school and too embarrassed to admit they caught the Bieber bug. Aaron Carter eat your heart out, or face, or fuck just eat something.

Much needed nails did!

2010-04-16T18:10:00.000-07:00

We've been slacking on the nail porn and I do apologize ladies.
Heres a mass dump of nail love.

Ashley Sade nails!

Fashion No-Nos for guys and gals.

2010-04-16T14:28:00.000-07:00

I’ll be the first to admit, that when it comes to girl’s fashion I have the sensibilities of an East Coast bred gay man. I like the classics, I appreciate timelessness and I’m not a fan of trying too hard or showing too much. Honestly, most straight guys could care less if you’re wearing Pradas or Sketchers or if the striped sun dress is from Barney’s or Bimbo’s. To a lot of guys clothes are just another step between them and your naked body, which is why a lot of girls don’t worry about what a guy thinks (at least they like to believe they don’t). With that all said, here is one extremely gay-ish straight boys take on five fashion plagues infecting urban societies of the modern Americas, circa 2010.

1. Yoga pants - Don’t get me wrong, when in Rome, by all means, sport the yoga pants. Like, in yoga class. But this whole public-casual on the verge of pajamas thing has to go. And yoga pants with them. The problem with the YP is they are like the Wonder Woman’s truth lasso of garments. If you have what it takes, you’d look good in anything. But if you don’t? You’re announcing it to the whole world. There is not much worse than flat, baggy, yoga pant ass. Not much. So for all of us, keep it at home or at yoga class and out of my line of site at Trader Joe’s when I’m buying food, ‘cause it’s enough to make a dude lose his appetite.

2. Baggy and saggy chunky-knit Grandma tams - White boy rastamen call them tams, what are they really called? You know, those loose hats that are slightly beret in shape, yet way floppier and knit with some mega-large needles. I guess its just a loose knit beret. Whatever they are called they have to go. Don’t get me wrong, I love my grandmother, but her style on girls I want to make out with, oddly makes me not want to make out with them. The grandma beret is always paired with something over the top goofy too like the Urkel glasses (no) and lots of ironic gold (um, o.k… sometimes the gold works).

3. Hipster Jumpsuits - What can I say, I’m way more J.Crew than J.umpsuit. Again it’s all that short short and flats coming at me, which would be fine if the girls that wore them exercised and had nice legs, but it’s not. It’s always those girls that can’t ride a bicycle and their leg muscles look like atrophied 12-year old girl legs. Use ‘em or lose, ‘em. The tops are always flappy and wide and large lapel-ed making the tiny shorts look even more out of place. They actually remind me of the pirate shirt episode of Seinfeld. Not so cute.

4. Gladiator Shoes - I’m talking the model-y fancy and tall versions of these. Something about them just seems to be trying way too hard. On top of that they are hardly flattering to feet. Sure, they look awesome in Vogue when the six foot Slovenian is wearing them with some daisy dukes and a loose white tshirt. But that is a classic case of bionically-hot trumping all. A common reason all this stuff doesn’t work in the real world, because the girl you saw it on before dropping your paycheck online for that one pair of shoes? She isn’t human. She’s an Eastern Euro cyborg of mind-exploding human perfection who is currently enjoying some evil villains private tropical island as we speak. A good lesson for all of us, don’t try to keep up with the Svetlanas, because you will lose.

5. Camo -. When I think of camo and girls, I immediately think of West Siiiide beotches who wear those tight pants that are drawstringed just below the knee. In the style of “military slut” and purchased at some bored housewife boutique for $500. Always paired with some over the top heels whose only chance is underneath an evening gown at a posh celebrity fundraiser, not with a pair of military-slut overpriced camo pants at the Starbucks on Montana Ave. ordering a Strawberries & Crème Frappuccino®. Let the christian-militia keep their camo in any form, and stick with desert khakis. That’s the best advice you’re going to hear today.

6. Little Hats - Which celeb do we get to blame for bringing back these hooker-from-the-Wild-West-circa-1860 hats? And what are they even called? The thing about little hats, and I’m just going to be blunt here, they make your head look big. Like, really big. They also have to be clipped on, which just seems stupid and a lot of effort. And we all know that when you try too hard, you look like you’re trying too hard and that’s more sheep-y than sexy. Honestly I’d be more stoked on a hoop skirt than a little hat. Maybe you could pull it off to a club (maybe?) but to wear it to Jamba Juice? Get da fauk out. And get that silly mouse hat off your head before you do. Bonus ugggs if the little hat is Marilyn Mansonesque black and you’ve got that sexy-goth from the 90s who loves Janes Addiction thing going. Ugggg.

There it is, the over-opinionated views of one guy with too much to say and not enough to back it up but a gut feeling and a sex drive. Take it, or leave it.

Read more of Steven's rants at Single Ape

While Steven had the opportunity to spout on about our horrible fashion choices (even though I know there are plenty more out there. We girls seem to be extremely impressionable. CMON LADIES!), I felt it was only proper that I go ahead and rag on in the male counterpart. If you haven’t noticed, some of the men lately these days have been practically competing with who could wear uglier shit. Here’s my compiled list of ugly things men wear on a daily basis.

1. Mandals– No we’re not talking about sandals here even though most of the time I’m dreading seeing those as well. But mandals are something that seem to originate out of somewhere like Minnesota or Wisconsin. Those perfect tan Birkenstocks that come equipped with hemp necklaces and Frisbees. They seemed to make their way down over here to Los Angeles thanks to colleges like UCLA. Head over to Brentwood and you’ll be in full blown Mandals territory. I don’t care to see your feet, nor do I care to play hackey sack with you. And if you wear these bad boys in a bar, you should be thrown the fuck out on your face with Glossy taunting at you the whole way out.

2. Anything Kanye West endorses - Kanye West’s fashion sense reminds me of a gay man trying to prove to his gay friends that he can hang with the best of them. So that’s cool, you don’t have a purse but an actual briefcase for god knows what, your broken blackberries and fake Louis Vuitton wallet? And is that a FOXTAIL clipped to your pants? Wait, hold the phone Gaga, you’re telling me you think this is fashionable? Any straight man would be kicked out of my bed if I discovered that shit (or actually due to my track record, it might not ) Regardless, K-weezy dresses ridiculous and the only good accessory he owns is Amber Rose and that aint saying much.

3. Low cut v neck tshirts- I get it, its all the rage in American Apparel fantasy land. You wear these shirts so low where not only do I get a glimpse of your chest taco hair, I feel like I just entered a best cleavage contest. Cmon, you and I both know whose going to win that one. I never liked this look, I still don’t like it, and I probably will never EVER like it. I can practically see what your belly button looks like and guess what, that outie does not fit you. Even hipsters outgrew this shirt and you should too.

4. Cargo Pants - I had an exboyfriend that wore these ridiculous windbreaker cargo pants that had the zip tie at the knee. I wanted to set them on fire everyday that I saw them. I should have known better because he had a bowl haircut but I didn’t care, fashion didn’t matter when you had ~love~. Well I wish I had actually set those ugly poor excuse for pants a flame, no one should ever have to witness those bad boys in public ever again. Cargo Pants are only excusable at age 12 when no one else cared that you look like a little prick with too many pockets.

5. Catch phrase T-shirts /Bedazzled shirts – Why is that every time I’m on Hollywood blvd, there seem to be an abundance of guys sporting Christian Gaydier and Ed hardy shirts? And not the regular ones, but the tops that look like they’ve been used and abused by the bedazzler? You actually looked in the front mirror and was okay with your get up? Are you a tourist? Where did they say this was still alright? Where do they do that at? And do not get me started on catch phrase tshirts! I knew a guy who owned that ridiculous one , “The man (arrow pointing to his head), The Legend (arrow pointing to his dick)”, and he really thought it was a good conversation starter. I guess if you want to start a conversation with a drunk slag who cant tell what your face looks like but can read big letters on a tshirt, by all means, keep wearing it. What a waste when you see a semi attractive man with one of those babies on. A WASTE.

6. Vests – Vests are for guys that own Bedazzled T’s or are surely on their way. Any formal wear that is half ass is strictly Club Area or Les Deux. And if you have a tie to go with your vest but NO BLAZER, you’re just going to piss me off. On top of a t-shirt? You need to not. I know that at some times, its nice to dress up but if you aren’t going to go all out on that aspect then you need to go home. I like my man in a full suit, not a dumb ass cummerbund and bow tie walking around like he discovered some new new shit. Don Draper would be ashamed of you.

The Boobs X 2BitchezDeep GIVEAWAY!

2010-04-09T14:20:00.000-07:00

The Boobs and the lovely ladies of 2BitchezDeep have linked up for an awesome giveaway for three of our lucky readers! Each will receive a Laser cut "Bad Bitches Bomb First" acrylic nameplate in Black, Gold, or Silver!

Three winners will be selected at random from the entries/comments in this post to win.
Please comment with your Name, Email, and Location.
One (1) entry/comment per person. Duplicate entries will be automatically disqualified. Giveaway is open to US and Canadian residents only. Good luck!

Giveaway Starts: Friday, April 9, 2010 – Now
Giveaway Ends: Wednesday, April,14 2010 – 11:59pm EST
*Winner will be contacted via email and announced on The Boobs no later than April 19, 2010 .

Oh this phobia of mine! Trypophobia that is!

2010-04-09T13:23:00.000-07:00

I promised Glossy that I wasn't going to write this ,hell I promised myself too. But this is no joke. The Boobs has Trypophobia. Trypopwhat? Its a phobia that both Glossy and I share where basically small clusters or holes close together freak us the fuck out (I have chills running up my spine just typing that sentence).

Now I've seen this phobia being glorified on the internet by certain photoshopped images flying around causing an all around stir. I didn't realize how many people cannot, SIMPLY CANNOT think or look at these photos regardless if they're fake or not. However I remember having it even as a kid long way before the time of the beautiful innernetz. I'd see bubbles in the bubble bath and have to splash them so my gag reflex wouldn't start up. Sand at the beach as the water pulls away with the holes? Stomp all over that shit with my eyes closed so it couldn't be embedded in my brain. I think the initial thing that started it for me was when I was a dumb ass child jumping from a kiddie pool onto a hot ass motorcycle, being too short, and burning my leg on the engine. A huge burn the size of a tablespoon appeared and was BUBBLING ALL OVER, something out of the movies. Bubbling, up and down, as it were to just explode on my itty bitty thigh. Gah I'm already regretting writing this.

Anyways before I discovered this as an actual phobia, I had a friend whom thought that I was just being crazy, neurotic, and completely silly. They claimed they've never heard of the fear and that I was making it all up. I wanted to shake them senseless but maybe I was being a lil too over reactive (I had just discussed my extreme distaste anger/fear for bunnies)? But as I soon discovered from Glossy who sees these images and scratches her skin till she BLEEDS, Trypophobia is serious business. As are many other phobias, people need to lighten up if I want to be afraid of clusters/holes.

I could be afraid of air swallowing (Aerophobia), erect penis (Medorthophobia), teenagers(Ephebiphobia), ugliness( cacophobia), or chins (Geniophobia). Cut me some slack here!

Heres some photos, judge for yourself. Yes they are hidden behind cute animals! I couldn't dare leave them up for my readers and for the fear Glossy and I might not be able to actually visit the blog due to them.

The sex was SPECTACULAR? BAHAHA I'm sure it wasnt.

2010-04-06T18:02:00.001-07:00

I never fully experienced the Disney phase of the Cheetah Girls but apparently they are all grownz up now! At least for Kiely, she moved on up to singing about getting roofied and having great black out sex! Wow, such the transition. While your former bandmates are busy schmoozing it into the Kardashian family, you keep on doing your walk of shame and pave the way of what the up and coming Disney tweens have to look forward to. I think it would have been more appropriate if Raven Symone and Miley Cyrus did a duet cover of it, it just makes more sense.

some pretty key lyrics:

Last I remember I was face down
Ass up, clothes off, broke off, dozed off
Even though I'm not sure of his name
He could get it again if he wanted
Cause the sex was spectacular

So it was the morning after
I couldn't get home faster
Doing the walk of shame
In the same clothes from yesterday
I think he pulled a track out
When he was blowing my back out
What was I drinking
I cant believe I blacked out

I got a fever and the only prescription is more LOST.

2010-04-06T14:44:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make. I'm obsessed with Lost.

And I think its becoming a problem.

My mother had been telling me for years that I'm missing out on this show and along with her and everyone else, I had dismissed them because I thought I knew better. I was like "LOOK, if I haven't tuned into it by now, I wont ever. Its probably stupid anyways. I watch the best shit on TV already. " Then finally I buckled down and since True Blood was on no longer on TV, I figured I'd give Adam Horowitz the benefit of the doubt and watch his mindfuck of a series. Now, this may have to to with the fact that I've never seen The Sopranos (yeah yeah yeah), but I literally freaked the fuck out claiming that yes, this was the best show I've ever watched. And I couldn't stop it either. At any given opportunity I had, I was watching it. I was talking about it. I was reading about it, I was dreaming about it. Now I know this might come off sad and pathetic and I need a boyfriend and shit, but I don't care. I haven't geeked out this hard about people deserted since Gilligan's Island.

But like I was saying before, I might need to take it down a notch. I mean this show isn't everything right? Its nearly its final season and eventually I'll have to figure out how to function in social circles without bringing up the Dharma Initiative, Kate's complete dumbass disregard for any type of authority and how she should already have been killed off, and my new found love for Ben Linus's character because of his teacher episode. But I still have 7 episodes left and you (guys) might just have to put up with over the top fandom. I mean if I can deal with you thinking that Edward Cullen is your boyfriend and you wish you were bffs with Bella Swan, then you can definitely handle my smoke monster talk just a little bit longer.

Alright that's it, I'm done. Dweebed out too much for the day, I will now go back to talking about boobs and oral sex.

You got great boobs CARLY!

2010-04-06T13:45:00.000-07:00

Name/ location?
Carly Jean/ South Florida

Age?
21

Bra Size?
Roughly a 32/34C/D, they fluctuate with the moon phases

Age of Blossom?
18/19. I was a 32 A forever until I got on birth control my freshman year of college, all of the sudden they were a full C and I have never looked back.

What you like and don't like about them?
Likes: soft like velvet, size matches butt.
Dislikes: That they are too heavy to not wear a bra, and they kill when I run without a duct tape-like sports bra (But I kind of like that too)

Do you have a favorite bra?
My Dream Angels Victoria’s Secret bra in hot pink, it’s so soft and has velvet detailing

Do you use them to your advantage? Explain.
Maybe I do unintentionally? I have only ever gotten pulled over by a women cop but now that I think about it, I probably could’ve used them then.

Whose boobs do you admire?
All-time favorite boobs are Bettie Page’s (I like my boobs vintage). But I do love/envy a couple pairs of modern boobs-Christina Hendricks, Selma Hayek, Lara Stone, and Lauren (my bff).

Do you like when men (or girls) grab your boobs?
No one can touch them 1st-5th of the month; they hurt like none other, BUT after that, they’re all yours girls (and some special Daddy-O’s).

Can you put them on the glass?
Yes, especially the sliding glass door in the shower

What’s the strangest thing someone has asked about your breasts?
People ask how they got so big so fast, that’s not that strange, maybe I don’t hang out with creepy enough people.

links:
lilbabybearcub.tumblr.com
flickr.com/photos/stackedpiles

He's twerkin it to titanic!

2010-04-05T19:35:00.000-07:00

Apparently thats HOW you do it.

R.I.P Kurt Cobain

2010-04-05T17:07:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to write a long blog about how influential Kurt Cobain was, because after 16 years of magazine articles, I'm sure most people get it by now. However, I will say that I do miss Kurt. His thoughts on most people and music were so funny and real to me, that Sometimes I wonder what he'd be doing now. What would he think of certain bands around today Or about having his music on a video game called Guitar Hero. There will never be another like him. Fuck Miley Cyrus, Kurt you will always be MY dream boyfriend. <3

Massively Wack!

2010-04-02T19:35:00.000-07:00

I don't know about y'all but did this chick really think we forgot about Lil' Kim that quick? I mean sure Kim is off in her own world of plastic surgery and dancing with stars but let's be real and give credit where credit is due! shit, at the very least give the Queen B a cameo. Amber Rose? Monkeys? Tom Toms? Yeah...I don't get it either. I'm all for supporting new female rappers (Love you Geisha!) but I thought the point of even being a rapper was to have your own swag and respecting those that paved the way for you? This generation is fucked when it comes to cool music, and on that note I'll leave you with these gems.

The Human Centipede

2010-04-02T17:39:00.000-07:00

I don't care if you think I'm twisted for enjoying this but I cannot wait to see it. The first time I saw the trailer, I was laughing so hard at the "ass to mouth" sequence. I think I need to have a girls night out and trick them into scary lolz. Whose coming with me?

I promise to eventually marry you? Get the hell out of here.

2010-04-02T11:01:00.000-07:00

I'm sure every girl in their teenage love career has experienced one of these things, you know the thing that was practically the equivalent to our parents version of the letterman jacket. The one and only promise ring. I would know, I had one.. sort of. Except my boyfriend at the time tried to say that same ring was now my engagement ring, but I didn't care, I was in love and diamonds didn't matter. I was also dumb as fuck and thought that married life would be like Candyland filled with pastel colored fairies and My Little Ponys'. But yes I had owned one for a short time and it was okay, because I was 16. At that age, this ring symbolized some sort of adulthood between you and your significant other. To show that yes, they were making some sort of commitment, a commitment more legitimate then holding your hand at lunch and taking you to a fancy growns' up dinner where you sip virgin drinks and order steak.

Now last weekend I got to hang and have a few beers with an old family friend of mine and I noticed that he, YES HE, had a random titanium ring on his wedding finger. I'm not one to judge because I wear a ring on my sacred digit from my mother that fits me to a T (I wear a size 4, skinny fingers yeesh). So with the swig of my red stripe, I decided to asked him.

"Hey man, whats up with the ring?"

My cousin chimes in, "He got it from his girlfriend!"

"Wtf, when did you get a girlfriend?"

"A year and a half ago."

Here's the interesting part, I've known him since I was 12, and Ive never seen him with his girlfriend but apparently hes ALWAYS had one. I never ask questions because I dont know the relationship he has with them so, out of sight, out of mind. But of course, as the sips of the beer got more frequent, so did my need of getting answers.

"So what kind of ring is that? Why you got it on that finger? Did she pop the question to you?"

"Nah fool it aint even like that, its a promise ring."

"WOAH HA wait a minute, she gave you a promise ring? Fuck man havent heard of those since 2002. So wait are you going to eventually marry her?"

"Probably not. I mean shes cool though"

My cousin starts screaming at him (she hates the idea of promise rings.. oh yeah and she was drunk), "WHAT THE HELL! WHY ARE YOU WEARING IT? THATS FUCKIN STUPID. YOU KNOW YOU AREN'T GOING TO MARRY HER."

"Well she knows I like jewelry."

I laugh, "Hahahaha so what is this a promise to like jewelry, a promise to wear that ring till she gets you another one? You've got to be kidding me."

"She knows I like jewelry man"

And practically the conversation went back and forth like that for a good 30 minutes. I didn't understand his reasoning for the promise ring but apparently he was satisfied with it. My cousin were both in agreement, Screw promise rings , if you really want to give me a ring, make sure that we are planning a wedding shortly after that. Promise rings are cool when you're a kid but if your 20+, promise rings are just something your mate distracts you with to show you that they will EVENTUALLY be fully committed. Give me a commitment now or else get the hell out. Better yet, just buy me a watch or a necklace and we will call it a day.

Kelis "Acapella" Or Avatar the Musical!

2010-03-31T07:20:00.000-07:00

Correct me if i'm wrong, but I believe we've all seen THIS video on The Boobs before.

Whats goes on in a woman's head on a first date? Desboobs finds out.

2010-03-23T19:37:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago while I was on a hunt for new blogs/sites to read on, I stumbled upon this site called Guyism.com. It was pretty straight to the point on the content featuring mostly lists of what guys are into, what guys worry about, and what guys think girls think/worry/care about. If you could put a poor mans version of Maxim online, basically this was it. I dug it though, it kept me slightly interested and I even spent a good amount of time just scoping it out. There was one particular list that stuck out to me. It was entitled, "7 things women worry about on the first date". I skimmed through the short list and thought, okay I know they're going for the sarcastic/egotistical route but this is just silly. Worst part about it was that it was WRITTEN by a female. Shaking my head.
So after I read it, I decided to do a massive poll on twitter and facebook asking all lady friends, "What do you think of/worry about on a first date?" and the common responses were hysterical. And now I'd like to share them with you, in witty detail of course.

He looks nothing like I thought he would..
Unless you've been living under a rock this whole time, I'm sure you've noticed that most people do things relying on the wonderful powers of the internet. Shop, do your taxes, run background checks on your ex's new gf, and of course dating. Meeting people out in public is so passe and just outdated right? Well the one thing about meeting people via the web is the dreaded thought of them not looking like their picture WHAT-SO-EVER. It's basically the equivalent of a blind date; you sort have an idea of what they look like but in reality have no fucking idea. Its kind of sad to say but most girls I know already prepare themselves to be dining with a Aaron Carter methface lookalike beast rather than Brad Pitt. You know, to psyche ourselves out for when we actually discover "hey he really is kind of cute". But if you are Aaron Carter, you better believe we have a escape route somewhere.. and quick.

He better pay for dinner.
This is a tricky one because because of old traditions, its just cordial and nice for the guy to not only pay for dinner but pay for EVERYTHING on the first date. Not because we cant, but because it shows that you can take care of business. Dinner? On me. Drinks? On me. Movie/miniature golf park/stripclub? BOO, I got you. Now I know quite a few ladies that say "No way Jose", I can pay for my own meals, I got myself, I'm an i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t woman, and that's right girl you should be. Do your damn thing, I got nothing but respect for you. But if a guy is willing to let you take one night off of your hands by showering you with a fancy dinner and a good night on the town, take him up on it. And guys, trust me, on a first date this is ALWAYS A GOOD LOOK.

I wonder how big his dick is and will I sleep with him?
Believe it or not, we really do think about this. I know within the first 15 minutes of looking at him, I'm already sizing him up. Trying to figure out what he's working with. Hes hot, I wonder if hes packing a 5 or a 6. Oooh a 7? Crossing my fingers for a 7.5. Every time I mention this to girlfriends, they just laugh and give me a high five because they already know what I'm talking about. Guys find this hysterical as if we aren't even supposed to be thinking about sex, let alone how thick his rod is. But we do, we also ponder if we are going to sleep with him. Whether its that night or the next night or next week, or even a few weeks from there, we can generally figure this out right away. To clap cheeks or not, now that is the question.

is he looking at my boobs?
Pretty standard right? We already know men are visual creatures so its inevitable that they have a tendency to skim through our chest region. We look at their ass too (don't deny it!) but it’s just not as obvious as them.. I know that whenever I head out on a first date, depending on how attractive he initially is, I'm either tugging the girls up for max cleavage or pulling my shirt up so he cant even get a slight glimpse of my chesticles. But unlike me, I heard from alot of girls that they worry about this issue because they're afraid he wont pay attention to their "personality" and that the guy will only be thinking about how he'd like to get in between those soft pillows you got. And its true, they probably are thinking that, but don't front! You know you were just thinking about his dick size earlier.

Does he like lord of the rings?
When I was 16, my girlfriend showed me her first draft of her "list". You know the list ladies, the one where you create a certain criteria for a man to have in order to win your heart. My friends list contained almost 50 things and I thought she was going to be alone forever, just her and her cats. I never know if she every found a shmuck to carry all 50 of those traits but you see where I'm going with this. If the date is going well, we pull out that imaginary list in our heads. Some are pretty standard like, 22. He has to like dogs and 6. He graduated from college (4 yr not JC). Then they're are some that are just out of this world, 44. He cant have any body hair whatsoever (only head) and 3. He has to be a lord of the rings fan. Yeah yeah these all seem silly right now but some girls really stick to these lists. You better believe that her brain is working like clockwork as she checks each one off individually.

My feet hurt
Well they do, like a fucking buttload. Damn these heels. If beauty is pain, then right now I'm absolutely gorgeous.

This is the last margarita I swear (don't be a hot mess tonight)
First dates are always nerve wrecking and strenuous. We get the classic jitters worrying if the their attractive or not, if we are what they expected, if we sound like a dumbass through our conversations, etc etc. So what better to help calm those nerves? A cadillac margarita. But sometimes we get SO nervous, we have a tendency to pay more attention to the wonderfully pineapple decorated alcoholic beverage that we end up treading into hot mess category by ordering not one but a couple. And some shots.
Sure sure, we may feel like the sassiest girl in the room not to mention our inhibitions got knocked down quite a few notches, but we worry it might be too much for the first date. Nervous Nellys', watch the drink intake! That is unless the date has gone to hell, then fuck it, time for a lemon drop por favor!

If he doesn't call me tomorrow, I will call off our wedding.
The date went amazing and you probably made out. Y'all had one of the best conversations two people could dream up for a first date. He's cute, you're hot, seems like the best match. Here's what we are thinking of towards the end of the date. Basically, our future lives just flashed in front of our eyes: meeting each others friends/parents, matching tattoos, white wedding, 3 kids, 2 teacup poodles, and our happily ever after. But we also know that if you don't call us the next day (you know, just to chat), none of this will happen! I mean, we could call you but screw that. I still want to be the flirty big tittied babe that YOU cant get out of your head.
Hell, you should just text us that night to say you had a "great time" just so we can start picking out flower curtains. Let the sexting and the beautiful relationship flourish.

You got great boobs LUSHY!

2010-03-23T15:55:00.000-07:00

Name/ location?
L. Diamante (BKK, THAILAND)

Age?
23

Bra Size?
36BRAFIA

Age of Blossom?
3rd Grade. In elementary school, I was about to go down the slide & some kid told me I could use them as 'propellers' instead of sliding down. Cold little smart ass! Then in the 8th grade, he wanted to hitttt.

What you like and don't like about them?
I like that they're miiiiine, & that they compliment a v-neck. Bummed they don't come w/ cakes tho!

Do you have a favorite bra?
Sequin heart nipple covers!

Do you use them to your advantage? Explain.
I don't think I've unleashed their max potential yet, so I haven't been using them to my full advantage. However, titty sex (4 those days I ain't tryna 'mount') wouldn't be possible without em.

Whose boobs do you admire?
Julianne Moore's boobs in Boogie Nights. Freckerz. <3

Do you like when men (or girls) grab your boobs?
Only for the camera.

Can you put 'em on the glass?
Glass pipe? They might be big enough to hide a love rose between em.

What's the strangest thing someone has asked about your breasts?
"Do your nipples taste like Hershey's? I'd love to give em Kisses." OH RELLY?

Links:
Lurk dat Twerk dat

Who's the man? Ease DaMan!

2010-03-23T14:53:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I encounter people that truly intrigue me. It's actually even more rare for me to find these people from the Internet. However, when I stumbled upon Ease DaMan's twitter and began reading his obnoxious, misogynistic, and often times drug induced rants, I quickly pressed "follow". Seeing as a ton of my friends were already following him I wondered if he was just some internet persona that one of them created. However, when I saw that he was on FB and we were connected by 20 + friends, I began to wonder who the hell is this guy? Sadly, we hadn't ever met.... that is until I bumped into him at a party in Los Angeles.

I didn't really know what to expect, until he approached me and my friends by saying to the blonde I was with "I'm going to fuck you tonight." With her mouth opening in utter disgust and total disbelief, Ease then proceeded to stick his band aid covered finger into her mouth. A few seconds later, he presented us with his HIV/AIDS test results (they were negative).

Any regular ol' dude that did this type of shit would have probably gotten punched in the face. Ease on the other hand just does whatever the fuck he wants and has no apologies for it. A slap in the face by a disgusted girl? no big deal. Is he a sociopath? or just a drunk asshole that does a lot of drugs? who really fucking cares? the point is that he's funny. I decided to do a quick Q & A with him and this is what he had to say....

Who is Ease DaMan and What exactly do you do?
I'm Ease DaMan and I do me.

How many STDs have you had?
I've had 1 (crabs) but my sure if it came from when I lost my virginity at 15 to a gremlin faced girl or juvenile jail living quarters. I might have chlamydia now but I mean, who doesn't ?

Have you ever paid for sex?
I payed some girls cash to leave for sure. That's how I look at it, prostitution. I went on a craigslist binge for like 2 weeks straight one time, morning wood fixes by hookers is great. Everybody pays for sex one way or another anyway.

Describe a date with Ease?
Huh? People still have those? Well on my last date I insisted on watching Avatar while high on mushrooms. Whoever has taken a chance to go on a date with me has gotten a great story to tell forever.

How many times have you been to jail?
People count that stuff ? That's like asking me how many partners I've had. Ive been arrested countless times and been in jail actually 4 times give or take, probably give.

What's the weirdest thing that has ever happened to you?
Being born I guess. My mother was using heroin and my dad tried to give her one of those hispanic abortions. You know when them Latinos push the woman down the stairs? Yea, that. That's weird I guess but normal to some, depending. I gues it's a cross between that and me getting my cockring stuck in my boxers them calling 911 for assistance.

You're pretty blunt, and say/do a lot of things in real life that would get most people beat up. how do you manage to not get your ass kicked?
I think it's my voice that calms people. A lot of people just get shocked and confused before they feel anything else. Definitely hav gotten into fights though but over really stupid stuff that I don't even instigate all the time.

How does your mom feel about "Ease DaMan"?
She calls me stupid, ugly, and a bum but I know that's all outta love.

Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?
5 years?! Pft. I live day to day! I would like to get payed to be me, that's ideal.

Find him here
Twitter.com/easedaman
Easedaman.tumblr.com
Mishkanyc.com

I just wanna know your name girl.

2010-03-12T12:50:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I stumble upon someone where I'm like "WOAH hold up, relax, WHO IS THAT?", and I spend the next 30 minutes searching Google hard like a motherfucker. I find the name, I find the myspace/facebook/twitter, and I make contact (I aint afraid!). Well sure enough this morning, I ran upon this beaut and found out her name was Helen Siren. But that was it, no facebook/no myspace/no nothing. No where where I could confess my true love, let her know that I just wanted to braid each others hair and talk about our first time. Nothing, I was shit out of luck and my love yearns for more info.

Someone has to know something.. that or somewhere where there are more pictures that I can right click save as into my "hot babes" folder.

EDIT: found her. She is part of a band called The Sirens.

The Sirens
The Sirens tumblr
Ok going back to being a creep now.

Freaky Friday Film Show!

2010-03-12T12:33:00.000-08:00

Lady Gaga & Beyonquiqui - "telephone" video.

2010-03-11T21:23:00.000-08:00

I'm sure this is all over the world wide web but I know how much Glossy HATES Lady Garbage, so enjoy my Glossy Normal. I will admit, her eyebrows are leaving me in a trance.

EDIT: I AM ENTERTAINED. BUT WHY ALL THE ADVERTISEMENTS? NAGL.

Squirts up!

2010-03-11T18:49:00.000-08:00

"Female ejaculation:commonly known as squirting and gushing refers to the expulsion of noticeable amounts of clear fluid by human females from the paraurethral ducts through and around the urethra during or before orgasm. The exact source and nature of the fluid continues to be a topic of debate among medical professionals." - Wikipedia

Squirting? seriously? how many of you have actually made a girl squirt? and no, having your girl accidentally pee on you doesn't count. I mean, sure expelling some amount of fluid from your vajay (getting wet)is natural during sex, however in my 24 years on this earth I have yet to meet one girl that has ever told me or even bothered proving that she could make her vagina "squirt". Upon writing this blog I decided to research squirting a little more in depth only to find several porn "squirt" sites that had photos of women that looked like they literally stuck a garden hose between their legs and turned it on full blast. Really guys? you expect me to believe that these photos are of girls "ejaculating" so hard that they can super soak a dudes face 5 ft away? You better Give me a break, and break me off a piece of that motherfucking kit kat bar, because I call bullshit.

I'm not totally dismissing female ejaculation as just another clever porn marketing scheme,however, I'd like to experience it first hand. Imagine, showing off and becoming the life of the party! just kidding.....kinda.

Des and some of our friends found it pretty amusing thinking of all the possible fluids a girl could hypothetically "squirt" out of her vagina like...kombucha, Double Dare Slime, and brown gravy! the possibilities are endless, ladies. Yet the question still remains...Have you ever "squirted"?

Joe Somebody, you're my kind of somebody!

2010-03-11T02:41:00.001-08:00

I don't know if you caught this on my twitter last night but Jesus Christ, someone get this kid signed. I'm about to start my own record label and have him open for Young Money.

Corey Haim, dead at 38

2010-03-10T13:00:00.000-08:00

Dude Corey Haim died. What the hell, talk about unexpected, sort of?

"Haim died at 2:15 a.m. Wednesday of an apparent accidental overdose, according to the LAPD's North Hollywood Division.

Haim collapsed in front of his mother around 1:00 a.m. inside an apartment in the Oakwood Apartment Complex, located between Burbank and the Hollywood Hills, officials said.

"As he got out of bed he felt a little weak and went down to the floor on his knees," said Asst. Chief Ed Winter of the Los Angeles County Coroner's office.

His mother called paramedics and the actor was transported to Providence St. Joseph's Medical Center in Burbank where he was pronounced dead at 2:15 a.m., Winter said.

Haim had been suffering from flu-like symptoms before he died and was getting over-the-counter and prescription medications, Police Sgt. William Mann said.

Four prescription bottles, not related to his illness, were found inside the apartment, according to TMZ. No illicit drugs were found inside the apartment, the site added.

The Canadian-born actor has struggled with drug addiction for many years.

Haim became a teen heartthrob in the 80s after appearing in the 1986 film "Lucas" and 1987's "The Lost Boys," which also starred fellow teen idol Corey Feldman."

Such a shame, I preferred this Corey big time. Rest in Peace my lost boy.

I've got a rocket. You're going on it.

2010-03-10T12:19:00.000-08:00

A lot of people have a lot of different feelings about handjobs (or handjams, as I like to call them). We've heard it all before, about how guys think they're dumb because "they can do the job themselves better than she can" or that they'd rather just get a blowjam (née blowjob) from said girl. You do your thing, sir, but I prefer a little variety. As great as one's head-giving ability may be, sometimes the best thing to get me off is a tussle of the jammy. I cannot, though – in clear conscience – deny that some girls just don't get it. They can't do it for the life of them. They'll grip too hard, too soft; not use lube. The list of mistakes goes on, but I dare any man to tell me that they would deny a good handjob from a knowledgeable girl.

The other day I'm talking to a girl friend of mine about how my back has been sore and aching a bit. She kindly suggests I get a back massage and coincidentally she's got a friend studying to do so. I ask who this friend may be, fearing it was some bike-riding brute who wanted to put his oily hands all over my body. Turns out I'm familiar with this friend, and this friend so happens to be of the fairer sex. Once more, she's actually quite cute. Of course I would like a massage. Where do I sign up? At this point, I've essentially pulled the "Go to Masseuse and receive oily rub down" card from the Monopoly deck but what I begin to wonder is if I get to collect $200 from passing GO. By that I mean, do I get to enjoy a Happy Ending from this cute, 20-something masseuse, whom my girl friend thinks would love to get her hands on me? When she puts it that way, I feel like I have to ask.

But do you actually ask? Wait, how you ask what is, in essence, a stranger to break professional code and stroke your dick until you reach fruition? For a lot of guys, it's difficult enough to ask your girlfriend or wife for a handjammy. But a person you hardly know, let alone someone trying to become a professional at this job? I feel there is a very fine line you're walking when this pops into your little head. Tread carefully, my mind warns.

Naturally, I Google "happy ending protocol" to get a sort of consensus for how this works and whether to entertain the thought. As far as asking for one goes, there seems to be trepidation at the sheer legality of the act. Obviously paying for sex isn't kosher in pretty much everywhere but the happy ending myth always made it seem like you could skirt around that fact, hush-hush style. Then the fact that you're paying for sex came up when I talked to friends about it. It wasn't so much that it was illegal, as much as it was cheapening the experience by having to pay money for it. Paying for a woman to rub the length of your body is fine but paying for them to rub your manhood is not. Through a series of hypothetical questions, it seems like they wouldn't turn the masseuse away if she made an advancement out of her own volition, though. If a babe is rubbing you down and wants your junk, she can have it – so long as you don't have to pay.

What's even more interesting is the fact that throughout the first stage of my "research" I had totally forgotten about women and whether happy endings are something any women go for. As far as search results go, it was pretty inconclusive, in that it seemed like women were interested but could never find a place to have it done (barring a few women who had stories of success at particular places of business in areas like New York city). The average woman either couldn't work up the courage or couldn't find a fitting place to get the deed done. This was interesting because I didn't even think to throw women into the happy ending discussion, which makes no sense considering women love getting massages and the whole spa-treatment. So think about it; how many women do you know go to the spa on a semi-regular basis? I'm sure a good number of those women are reasonably attractive and have their needs. And if they have some strapping, accented masseur rubbing warm oil all over their bodies, why wouldn't they be interested in a happy ending? So I put the question to some female friends of mine in their early 20's and it seemed like no one was interested in paying a guy to finish them off; some even not even willing to entertain the idea of it, pro bono. Most, though, did admit that if it were a boyfriend or even a guy friend they were mildly attracted to, they would allow him to go further than just a body massage.

So what does this all mean for me and my situation? It means that I really don't know much more about what I should do than I did in the beginning. She's a good looking, young massage student, who I basically want to hook up with. The last thing I'm going to do is solicit her for a handjob, though. I'm just not going to ask for it in that formal manner, if I make any sort of move at all. If I'm going to be getting that happy ending, it won't even be a happy ending because I'll have to seduce her. And if I seduce her, the gloves are off and the professional massage context is then discarded, and at that point it'll just be two people hooking up. And in all my research and hypothetical questioning, that was something that was never off limits.

Visit him at Go Chris Universe!

Avatar Roleplaying, wait a minute? DEAD.

2010-03-09T18:43:00.001-08:00

This should have been nominated for an Oscar.

I measure the man by the player he chooses on Street Fighter: Which one are you?

2010-03-09T16:20:00.000-08:00

I know that being a child of the 80s we seem to latch onto a lot of the same nostalgic things. Tv shows, teen hearthrobs, bad fashion choices, terrible slang consisting of "sike" and "not!", and the list goes on. On top of that list however is the wonderful creation courtesy of Capcom, Street Fighter 2 (not 1, but 2. 2 was definitely more influential than the first). I along with my brother spent countless amount of hours in front of my tv screen after school practicing my super nintendo skills. I wasn't that good but I held my own.

Every now and then, someone will get the magic light bulb idea to break out the classic and get some sort of tournament going. I will participate and yes, I will talk shit. I've noticed that most men pick the same characters. Actually the same 2 characters, Ken or Ryu. Why? They're practically the same. Why don't you switch it up a bit? Give someone different some shine, hone your skills a little bit more then just focusing on a motherfucking Hadouken. I don't know why but whenever I started in on this debate, men would get really offended, as if I told them I had a dick the entire time and was sticking it to them in their sleep. I didn't care however, in fact, it only fueled my fire to make judgments. Yes boys, I was going to measure you on the player you chose in Street Fighter 2. I know women make way more ridiculous claims on the type of man you are due to stupid quizzes in Cosmopolitan, so I figured why can't I have this?

Ken and Ryu:
These guys are best friends not to mention rivals. Though their techniques are slightly different, they were originally designed to be identical. With head throws and Hadoukens, these two players and pretty easy to grasp onto, I would know, I've seen shitty players win with either or. Basically, if you pick either these two, you're playing it safe in life and you want to beat up your best mate. You're probably an asshole too who thinks they know everything about anything and you most likely wear headbands on the sly. You played sports in high school competitively but that never did pay off at your job at the local Foot Locker.

Chun Li
Chun Li is a tricky choice. I don't know if you got the memo but only girls pick Chun Li, she is THE only girl on the game. We like to stick together. So if you do decide to go this route, be prepared to get shitted on by the rest of the guys at the arcade. Little do they know, this bitch is bad ass as hell. Her tree trunk thighs will make any apple bottomed jean girl cry in envy and the fact that you are into her throwing guys on the ground, so tight. If you choose her, you're not afraid of a lil pain with your pleasure, plus you appreciate fat bottomed girls. You're probably really good looking and get lots of action. I like you, want to get a drink?

Blanka
Blanka is my favorite, even more so than Chun Li. Why you ask? He does not give a shit. He's ugly, he bites, he's a hunchback, he electrocutes his opponents, plus he rolls all over the ground like some retarded dog. How could you not appreciate this greatness? Anyways, he is the underrated champion in my opinion. I always stick up for this guy and boys shoot down my attempts at feeding them well deserved knowledge. If you choose Blanka, you're most likely misunderstood. You have a big heart but many people judge you cause you come off way too aggressive in the beginning. Chill out, roll around a bit, try and not to bite someone right away, and smile more. ELECTRIC COLGATE SMILE! I got your back.

E.Honda
E.Honda is a killer. He's a sumo wrestler with Kiss makeup on and has a never ending hunger for blood and rice. He flies through the air which seems humanly impossible, but no not for this big boy. He's pretty easy to play but I wont give you shit about it because he's fat, and fat guys need love too. This man gets the job done. If you choose E.Honda, you're definitely someone I want to keep around in life. You wont judge me if I put on a few pounds and you wouldn't mind putting on a diaper for lolz. You also like to take baths and have a strange affinity for Boy George. I wouldn't sleep with you but we can play super sumo patty cake.

Dhalsim
If you ever wanted to get your ass kicked by a guy in saffron shorts, here's your chance. Dhalsim is spiritual, teleports, and fights in a yoga style. Yoga Flame, Yoga Fire, Yoga Blast, Yoga Fuck you, Yoga Gay. I used to like him but his over extending limbs became too distracting and simply a pain in the ass for my thumbs to control. He has no pupils which means he has no soul, but that shit doesn't phase me. Who has a soul these days anyway? If you pick Dhalsim; you're probably too in tune with your feminine side, you dont eat enough, you collect way too many Stretch Armstrongs', and honestly you creep me the fuck out. I'd probably tell people I wasn't friends with you either.

Zangief
A former Russian professional wrestler, Zangief is basically all braun no brain. He jumps, pile drives, and generally does typical wrestler moves. If this were real life, he'd be more washed up than the leather faced Mickey Rourke. But its not, its Street Fighter and people actually think its a smart idea to choose him. Now I'm sure he's a big sweetheart but Jesus is his character dull. I used to hate it when guys would choose him because I literally had nothing to watch on the TV screen. Maybe this is where my distaste for WWF started. If you choose Zangief, you're boring and you jerk off to Randy Savage. You love to pump iron even though muscles bigger than your head is never a good look. You also love to tell girls to "Snap into your Slim Jim". We laugh at you in your face.

Sagat
Sagat wins. Not only does he have the pleasure to share the name of the other famous foul mouthed Sagat (Bob, if you're that oblivious), he was the Muy Thai boss man in the first game. Known for being the strongest fighter in the virtual world, Sagat is just fucking legit. Have you seen his eye patch? His scarred up chest? His blatant disregard for anyone or anything, ESPECIALLY KEN OR RYU? Unlike Dhalsim's bitch ass, he does thing the way of the tiger. Tiger uppercuts, tiger shots, tiger death to all that comes across him. If you choose Sagat, you are intense and cold as ice. You love to get revenge and have no faith in humanity which makes you extremely appealing in that whole serial killer sense. You're the disconnected bad boy of our dreams. Oh and I'm pretty sure Freddie Roach creams at the thought of training you.

Guile
Guile Guile Guile. What can I say about Guile? Well for starters, he's a Major in the US Air Force. His character is pretty straight to the point, I mean, an army hero is always necessary. Lets not forget about how incredibly fantastic his flat top blonde hairdo is. That in itself should be considered a weapon of mass destruction. He's definitely the dreamboat of players. I will say this though, this was always the typical 3rd choice after the BFFs RyuKen. Not too wild, border-lining safe zone, boys would only tread the line with him. But with a S-S-S-S-Sonic Boom, I could give two shits about your choice . I fully enjoy a Sonic anything so Guile, keep on keepin on. If you choose Guile, you're not as much as a dickwad as most of them. You probably never get into fights but secretly daydream about doing so. You keep your headbands in your drawer and pull them out on Fourth of July right as the fireworks go off. You are obsessed with Top Gun and I'm pretty sure people think you are gay cause you're too beautiful for your own good.

M.Bison
M. Bison aka Master Bison aka Vega (in Japan) is the Stalin of the Street Fighter world. He's one dictating son of a bitch and Capcom really pulled out all the strings out this one. Not only does he resemble a Nazi zombie, this swollen madman is the mastermind behind evil energies which he coined "Psycho Power". He exudes what it looks like Casper's angry ghost out of his fingertips and expects you to obey him? Actually you know what, I can't even get myself around this player. I can't tell if I like him, hate him, or just want to pounce on him . I'm literally shrugging in confusion and I'm pretty sure I pissed my pants. Damn psycho power. If you choose M. Bison, you're really into the color purple (not the movie), you can only date women you can manipulate, and you just don't DO feelings. Basically, you're every single one of my exboyfriends. Call me!

Happy playing!!

Nobody's Anything.

2010-03-09T09:31:00.000-08:00

Stating that Courtney Love is a "hot mess" or a "train wreck" is like saying the sky is blue, DUH! everyone knows this. Yet for some reason, I will always hold a special place in my heart for this obnoxious bitch. The album "Nobody's Daughter" was supposed to be launched as just a solo project for Courtney yet somehow has turned into a new "Hole" album. Which is funny considering this will be their first album in 12 years, and only two of the original members are even in the band (this includes Courtney).

Anyway, I downloaded the single "Skinny Little Bitch" and I have to admit; upon downloading I had a teeny tiny bit of optimism/hope that maybe just maybe she'd be able to pull this off and redeem herself with a decent song. I mean at the very least, maybe something that would relaunch her career back into relevancy like "Celebrity Skin" did. Sadly, upon hearing the first 10 seconds of Skinny little bitch, I had to press stop. Not only did she sound like a throaty tranny manny (even more than before), the song in itself is just DREADFUL. Courtney, WHY do you insists on still writing songs about your so-called "Hollywood nightlife"? You're time has been up,sweetie let it go already. Besides, there's always Celebrity Rehab.

Spencer Pratt is addicted to crystal. Do we still care?

2010-03-04T12:48:00.000-08:00

I've been spending some time away from the internet lately so when I finally got back on the ball, I was bombarded with ridiculous amount of stories. Dr. Drew has a stalker, Lady Gaga's Telephone video still isn't out yet, and Lindsey Lohan is still acting a fool. But the news that really tickled my fancy was from the one and only Spencer Pratt. He made a statement last week claiming he was addicted to crystals. Not crystal meth, but ACTUAL crystals.

“I am so addicted to crystals, it’s like a sickness. I’ve spent $500,000 on crystals this year. I checked my bank account last night, and I have $203 left.”

I know I read that crystals bring some sort of energy but damn $500,0000 worth? I dont know about that, they HAVE to be smoking those rocks. I got to hand it to him though, Spencer and his waste of space wife always seem to make sure they're never forgotten in tinseltown. Fights, rap/singer careers, addictions to plastic surgery/crystals, staged photo shoots with guns and yoga mats, they definitely surpass alot of people that cant even get legitimate press on an airplane (a hem cough Natalie from bad girls club cough). Maybe they're running LA, cracked out Whitney and Bobby style with a touch of Mattel.

The Results Are In!

2010-03-04T12:00:00.000-08:00

Well, after much anticipation and plenty of LULZ we finally got around to tallying up the scores for our "you've got great bulge" contest! Honestly, 175 comments on this blog was a record breaker, and I couldn't help but tear up, while doubled over in hysterical laughter at some of the comments these bulges received . I guess it's safe to say that #BESTBULGE was a hit! and will more than likely become a regular feature. However, I'm thinking next time we'll actually try using polls.

Now on to the good stuff! It was a VERY, VERY tough call between #15 and #19, they were tied, and the only way to settle this was with each # being drawn from a hat. #15 got so many votes and mentions but towards the end only one dick prevailed and that bulge was #19! Clean nails, great lighting, #19 is our Winner!

Here is what #19 had to say in a quick interview I did with him via ichat.

GLOSSY: How does it feel to be the boobs best bulge?
#19: It's a few things; a relief, most of all. It's finally over and against all odds, I've emerged victorious. Secondly, it's a hell of an ego boost. Thirdly, I beat a dude with an anaconda dick, so it's all good.

GLOSSY: Now that you've won #BESTBULGE what do you plan on doing?
#19:I'm gonna' try and corral this into a career. If not porn, at least penis modeling.

GLOSSY: Is there anyone you'd like to thank?
#19: All the lovely women who felt compelled enough to vote for my bulge. Maybe I'll set up some fake email account so I can talk to you opinionated vixens.

GLOSSY: DO IT!
#19: Thebigbulgetheory@live.com

Till next time ladies, the bulge lives on.

Chicana Rap, yes please!

2010-02-23T11:31:00.002-08:00

I don't know if this is going to give me some sort of street cred but hot damn I've been listening to Ms. Krazie and Sleepy Loka since yesterday and I cant get enough. As part of "Chicana Rap", it makes me feel like I'm chillin at a kickback in SGV with my girls courtesy 1998. Screw all that overproduced noise out right now with their voice boxes and fake Degrassi asses, I'm down for this cause. Actually I just want to see bubble butt, two toned hurr, mouth opened up wayyyyyy too wide when she spits Nicky Minaj go toe to toe with one of these girls. Maybe throw Geisha 305 up in this mix!

Ms. Krazie

She looks like DJLadytribe except probably a version of her that would knock her ass to the ground.

ALWAYS BRINGING IMPOSTORES TO MY GUERRRRA

Sleepy Loka

I can see your dick through your pants

2010-02-23T10:49:00.000-08:00

Everyone loves fashion right? I know I frequent some fashion blogs often and find myself right click saving as with some of the images, not like I'd ever buy some of the clunky gaudy shoulder pads or random Christian Louboutin heels, but more for the fact that they are aesthetically pleasing to my eyes. That's the purpose. But then every now and then we have some person coming from out of the woodwork trying to push our limits to the boundaries. Go over and beyond and really "make you think" with their clothing and the passion they put behind their pieces. Isabel Mastache is the lucky lady capturing her dream by creating outlandish knit pieces/menswear.

But hold up, is that a outfit with an extra arm? WAIT did that outfit come with a sewn on dick? Hold the phone whats going on here Isabel? I don't quite understand the statement.I know I know, its avant garde aka lady gaga cum clothes. What you should have done is just let the model walk down the runway with his own peen chilling out of his pants. I mean, if you're trying to go for indecent exposure, don't be afraid girl! We wont be mad at you. If you can promise me that you better believe I'm going to be breaking into your next show to hand you a bouquet of roses.

Images source

"You're a basic bitch!"

2010-02-23T08:37:00.000-08:00

Lil' Duval had to break it down for Miss. Natalie "I run LA" AKA Mac tonight moon chin! in this hysterical interview from a recent flight Duval took to LA. FINALLY! someone calls this girl AND her nappy baby hairs out! The best part for me is that she really doesn't have anything to say other than "you're mean"... OK? and you're supposed to be "bad"? Whatever.

Download Lil' Duval's funny ass song "Basic" Here : BASIC

www.twitter/Lilduval

True love 4ever thanks to your tattoo!

2010-02-18T13:33:00.000-08:00

I believe it was the French renaissance poet, thinker, and play write Axl Rose who once declared “Nothing last forever and we both know hearts can change”. Given the fickle temperament and dynamics of lust, love, and relationships, I am left scratching my head and completely confused as to why any man of woman would be so inclined to etch a significant others name in to their skin. Personally, I would be weary of such a bold statement as tattoos never have been nor will be offered in dry erase marker or the fat crayons the special kids with yellow Cheeto fingers used to complete their home work assignments.

As a Latin male, I have forever understood the cultural significance of such a public display & declaration of love. I can vividly remember my older brother outside on the porch of our home smoking pot shirtless as his creased Ben Davis slacks & the name of his firme hina (firm bitch for you putos out there) glistened in the California sun.

The ring of meticulously placed hickies scattered around the tattoo only further illuminated the ink and solidified that “Baby Doll Julie” was going to be his amor forever. Fast forward two kids, thousands of dollars in child support & one “Laugh Now Cry Later” cover up tat andthe once everlasting cholo love is no more.

From the male stand point getting a woman’s name scrawled upon their flesh can be interpreted as the ultimate sign of either unconditional love, comfort in their sexuality unadulterated stupidity or, my favorite, the apology letter to a woman they’ve wronged. I can not name the number of guys I have personally met who have tried to redeem themselves by “yatting” their boo’s name on their forearm or above their heart.
I’m not sure if a scientific study has ever been conducted, but I’m willing to bet there is a direct correlation between men who cheat and men who get their girls name super imposed on to their body. Nothing says sorry for fucking your best friend Sandra at all star weekend like a permanent merit badge in bitch made simpin. When the mass text messages, endless voice mails & social network lurking fails, a prison style Old English font ode to a girlfriend is the best solution to mending a bridge you burned down whilst finger fucking another girl in the Apple Bee’s restroom during happy hour.

Common Knowledge suggests that all men are predictably unpredictable. It is basic understanding that no matter how successful, intelligent, charming, or spectacular a man is at storming your vaginal Bastille, all of us are slightly stupid. So it’s fair to justify doing something as irrational as the dreaded “name tat”. When the subject is being examined from the female point of view is when I tend to get a little fuzzy on the matter. The uncertainty doesn’t arise when thinking of the normal reasons like;

1. I honestly love him
2. I got it to piss my Dad off because he never told me he loved me
3. I was drunk
4. I was young
5. I was high
6. I thought it would last forever

My CURIOUSITY stirs because I often times encounter girls who have no hesitation in declaring how independent, fierce/self made they are, yet have a mans' name branded on them. Can that be considered counter productive to the ideology of being a “Bad Bitch” and “Ms Independent” (no Neo)? Is it contradictory to preach such Trina-esque values when another name is stamped on your hip like an interstate road to your lady fun box? The hypocrisy or false bravado would never cause me to make a snap judgment on a girl, as I would still more then likely lick El Tapatio hot sauce off her chest if I thought she was sexy enough. I think what it comes down to on both ends is a concept of ownership over someone. Spare me the rhetoric of soul mate, first love, other half and all that campy bullshit all you girls learned when you were 15 and first started watch “Sex in City”.

I want to know from the readers if it is ever okay to go ahead with the name tat despite the fact you are in a sense giving someone else a certain degree of ownership of over you?

He 67 years old!

2010-02-17T11:11:00.000-08:00

Found this on Street Boners today but it seems its been leaked on the innernetz everywhere. Apparently you dont want to start a fight with an old man that has a shirt that says I AM MOTHERFUCKER. On a bus in SF no less, daaaamn.

YOU'VE GOT GREAT BULGE!

2010-02-15T13:38:00.000-08:00

Glossyloca:My inspiration behind "Best Bulge In America" was sparked by the beautiful buns of the American Apparel contest "America's Best bottom search". I figured, if they can showcase for men(and women) some hot ass, why can't we give the girls(and guys) what they want. I will start a contest that let's the guys show off what they're working with, and allow our awesome readers to be the judges.

Just to make sure, I decided to take this idea to the mean tweets. Thus #BESTBULGE was sparked. It seemed as if all of the ladies were really into being "judges" of America's Next Top Bulge. I asked a countless number of guys to send photos of their tightey whitey clad junk to our inbox. Initially, we didn't get very many submissions. A lot of the guys were very reluctant about having their wieners posted on the blog, which seemed understandable and very odd at the same time. Ordinarily, these same guys wouldn't have second thoughts about sending us in photos of their dicks, however throw in the words BOOBS BLOG, and suddenly they're modest.

Luckily, there were those shameless men that took full advantage of this opportunity, and decided to send in their amateur photos!

Desboobs: Here's how its going to work ladies (and lovely gents if you would love to participate), basically the minute the bulges make their lovely appearance, get to voting. Comment telling us which one is your favorite package, let us know how it make you wanted to vote, HELL let us know how that HEAT is making you feel.

Come Friday night, we will tally all of the votes and announce our winner which we will send a lovely prize. This could be the start of something for our male readers! Get ready to get objectified you sonofabitches. I mean let the battle begin :)

Happy Valentines day you assholes

2010-02-14T07:58:00.000-08:00

YOU DIRTY DOG!

Baby for vday, I'm going to show ass with class!

2010-02-11T11:00:00.000-08:00

The art of the strip tease is more complicated than you might expect.Sure, anyone can put on some Too Short and gyrate their way onto a hard on (guys get turned on by the wind blowing for God's sake!) But to skillfully give your loved one a lap dance takes some fine tuning:

1. Feel good about it.
If you're worried about that extra 5 pounds you need to lose, don't bother. He'll most definitely feel your insecure energy and that's a surefire way to kill a boner. Get over it and work those curves! *That's specifically what self tanning creams andbronzer is for. Suck in and CONTOUR!

2. Carefully choose your outfit.
KNOW what your man likes. If his preference is more demure than dominatrix, take note! You don't want to scare the poor bastard so put the gag ball away. A little goes along way, but definitely spice it up! You want carefully applied hair and makeup, manicure/pedicure, the whole nine. AND, if you're a sneaker type gal, be one hundred percent positive you can WALK first before shaking it in 6 inch heels. Nothing kills the mood more than a naked girl falling off her stilettos. Floss and FINESSE. If your guy is used to seeing you in sweats and flip flops, NOW is your time to shine. Make the effort, he'll appreciate it!

3. Fuck your mother nature:
If you happen to have Aunt Flow in town during your special "performance" (sorry to hear about that) , take precaution on hiding your feminine hygiene product. In other words, tuck in that tampon tail girl! You might also want to skip the thong and put on a cute pair of boy shorts. If you're thinking, " Why would I give my guy a lap dance if I'm on the rag??!!" The answer is simple: It's ValentIne's Day and your man wants to see your naked ass teeter around in some high heels! The least you can do is oblige him and follow up with a heartfelt blowie. If not YOU, someone else WILL.

4. MUSIC.
I cannot stress enough how important this is. I understand if you're a hopeless romantic and your most favorite song of all time is James Blunt's "You're Beautiful". But let's cut the shit. Men like raunch, that's just how it is, so give it to him! Acceptable strip tease music includes: anything by Prince, AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long", and rap from the South (a little UGK works ALL the time
with my man).

5. Back to hygiene.
My boyfriend once told me about a former classmate who received some dry humping action while wearing a white tee shirt. Unbeknownst to him, the classmate emerged from the bedroom with a vivid BROWN streak down the center of the shirt. ICK! This goes without saying but bathe WELL beforehand. Get up in all those nooks and crannies and at the very least, use a baby wipe after you move
those bowels, no one likes a shitty ass.

6. PRACTICE.
If you're not the greatest dancer, that's ok. Listen to the music and gracefully sway back and forth in a seductive manner. Remove your clothing SLOWLY. Chances are he won't last for the entire song, so don't be a show off and overexert yourself. Your man KNOWS you don't do this for a living, so save the splits and heel clackin
for the professionals. The last thing you want is to fall, fart, throw your back out, or humiliate yourself, so get your routine down pat!

Your boyfriends hot and you're not.

2010-02-10T21:50:00.000-08:00

There is nothing more annoying to me than seeing a gorgeous man dating a plain faced mouse of a woman, or one of those "All American"girl next door types. Why do the hottest guys insist on having the most average looking girlfriends/wives? EDITORS NOTE: this includes boring personalities

Obviously, no one wants to settle down with a "party girl" or a lame girl that's so consumed with her looks that she has nothing else going on for her BUT her appearance. I just want to know what happened to the "happy mediums" a little naughty a little nice? Or at least just someone that is equally as cute as you! Perhaps, these are the same guys that think Taylor Swift is "hot", I don't get it! She looks just like every other random blonde girl from Wisconsin. Bland, boring, plain! Perhaps it's a security issue? They feel more secure knowing that their girlfriends are just that... average.

I guess with dating an attractive and more stylish girl there's more competition with other men. Which is why I'm sure most guys view pretty girls as being more of a "headache" to deal with. What's even worse is that my own father says "the most beautiful women are the craziest". Which is why after 18 years of marriage to my fabulous diva of a mother, he decided to wife a new age hippie with dread locks that reeked of patchouli and cabbage(GROSS). Men will never cease to amaze me, not even my own father. The way I see it: why settle for jello when you can have Crème brûlée?

Dystonia from a flu shot? UHM MAYBE NOT

2010-02-05T02:08:00.000-08:00

Remember sometime last October, this gal Desiree Jennings was telling her heart wrenching story about her getting a single flu vaccination, which left her all messed up with what was to be believed as Dystonia? Everyone was saying their "Oh no's" and couldn't believe that this could actually happen to such a young and beautiful NFL cheerleader. She could only walk normal backwards for Christ's sake!

So tell me why tonight I happened to catch a glimpse of the oh so prestigious "Inside Edition" and I burst out with a legitimate "OH WHAAAT WAIT A MINUTE RIGHT HERE". Mrs Desiree Jennings, a hoax? Say it isn't true. Balloon boy I can understand, who the hell loses their kid in a balloon? Chyeah right. But a fucked up condition due to flu shot? That is totally possible. I really felt for her, I mean c'mon we have the same name. It could have happened to me! But nope, maybe she was just trying to get paid? Regardless, I don't know, I googled her and saw that she was making some sort of "recovery" but this all still seems a little too sketch for me.

Is that an Australian accent? W-O-W

Im Creole and Mexican, not Black

2010-02-03T18:26:00.000-08:00

Danger, one of the bitches Ray J used to fuck with, thinks she's real hard out in public. Girl you still just a crackhead who fell off the radar. You need to get out of here with that broke ass Ralph Lauren polo and get Dr Drew's phone number. Tsk NAGL NAGL.

You got great boobs DARIEL!

2010-02-03T13:28:00.000-08:00

Name/location?
Dariel aka Dee, Houston aka Hustletown aka Screwston aka City of Syrup

Age?
23, Once Feb. 7th hits - 24

Bra size?
36D

Age of Blossom?
13, It was Spring Break in 7th grade when the babies went from a tiny A to a juicy ass B- cup. Mother Nature decided that wasn't good enough so 5 years later she threw some D's on this bitch..

Do you have a favorite bra?
Not really a favorite but leopard or lace seem to make me real happy.

Do you use them to your advantage? Explain.
Absolutely, perfect situation is when the bar is PACKED and there is a male bartender, alls you gotta do is plop them shits on the bar, making sure the cleveland is highly noticeable and quick service is guaranteed.

Whose boobs do you admire?
Salma Hayek, I don't know of any other boobs on the planet that could win the Nobel Peace Prize.

Do you like when men (or girls) grab your boobs?
My girls and gaybies can check the ripeness of the melons anytime, but if some thirst bucket douche tries to cop a feel, a busted lip or bloody nose is a probable outcome.

Can you put them on the glass?
Sure, but I'm kind of worried they might suction cup to the glass.

Whats the strangest thing someone has asked about your breasts?
"Do you think you can make yourself orgasm by just touching them?

Links:
Twitter.com/_dariel_

Facebook.com/Darielmc

Myspace.com/_dariel_

Just in time for V-day! Top 5 annoying things couples do

2010-02-03T13:20:00.000-08:00

Ugh if there was one month that I could hate more throughout the entire year, February is surely the winner. Not only do practically all of my friends seem to be born on this waste of a month with its 28 fucking days, its also the rightful home to the most ridiculous holiday ever besides St. Patty's day. Yes its obvious, Valentines Day. This is the day where couples seem to be overly disgusting not to mention it feels like the I'm drowning in a sea of red/pink love vomit. So in the wonderful spirit of the upcoming V-Day, I thought it only suitable in true scrooge mode that I discuss the loving behavior that people in relationships think they can get away with.

1. Baby Talk-
First of all I think its safe to say that baby talk is never appealing, even when you're doing it with babies. I know I talk to babies in regular voices, dogs too. Something about the 'Ooga Booga' and the constant replacing the R sounds with WH sounds just gives me the creeps. And to do it in public? With your boyfriend? Are you kidding me? You might as well be putting on matching diapers and singing nursery rhymes. I read that it gives you that sense of having your own language but c'mon, that's bullshit. Y'all aren't twins, you don't have some sort of bond that requires you two to speak in skewered pig latin mixed in with Dora The Explorer animal sounds. It just aint cute. If you really cant help yourself, save that for the bedroom where I'm sure it fits in with all your other retarded behavior.

2. Matchmaking-
Why is it that couples think they've graduated to Patty Stranger yenta status the minute they realize that they are surrounded by single friends? Its as if a light bulb went off in their head and went "They're both single? WHAT A PERFECT MATCH!!" And instead of informing their happily eligible pals of this united decision between themselves, they set them up on a weird blind double date between all of you! As if you get a whiff of their true love and suddenly his alarmingly body odor magically goes away or her constant use of saying LOL out loud isn't as annoying as it was before. Best part about is after the "date" is over, they think they have cupids arrow and don't fucking stop there. Like if this is their last good deed to the world and your bachelorette status must be banished. I'll pass on this behavior unless his friends are the Lawrence brothers and they have Filipino girl fever.

3. Tweeting/Facebooking their love.
We all know you're a couple. We see it right there on your facebook; "Blah blah is in a relationship with blah blah". We get that you guys are really happy. I've seen the pictures from your trip to San Fran together, the matching Mickey and Minnie Mouse ears photos, the constant kissyface photos. Its what couples do, they are so inebriated with their love they cant help but show it off to the world. Here's where it needs to chill out a bit, when all you can do is talk about your significant other. Every facebook update: "Oh just hanging with my babe. Cant wait to see my babe. I wish babe was here. Babe is being such a babe. Babe babe babe babe babe babe." (that's another pet peeve of mine, babe word abuse). Or even worse when its on twitter. Its as if social networking sites are their foreplay and this is how they get off on each other when they aren't stuck to the hip. I once was following this girl who rambled all the time about how her BF was on his way to give her cunnilingus, or he just finished slurping it up. Too much info girl. I'm all about celebrating ones adoration for another but an excessive amount of it makes me feel like you're obsessed with each other.

4. Dressing alike.
This shit is dumb. Its only cool when you're going to a Sadie Hawkins dance in high school. If my boyfriend EVER walked in wearing the same colors as me, you better believe I'm going to do a wardrobe change. Or to be safe, wear something neon. There's no way of this disaster to occur if you throw highlighter yellow in the mix. Why the hell would you think its "cute" to dress the same? Correction, I think its only women that would ever think this. Guys, you should know for damn sure this is the equivalent to you holding her purse. Everyone is looking at you, shaking their head, noticing how shes literally wearing the pants in the relationship.. and wearing them better than you.

5. PDA
If I wanted to watch two people practically have sex out in public, I would have put on a porn. But nope, you two really don't give a damn. Worst part about it? Not only is the act unappealing, when both of you are equally unattractive, its just a fail all together. Ugly on ugly crime. No but lets be real, PDA is tricky. A kiss, a casual slight make out in a dark corner, some ass grabbing, these are all okay. Rolling around on the ground, grinding on his lap on a subway train, fingerbanging her on a Disneyland ride, or blatant sex out in broad daylight, these should be salvaged. I have this weird tendency that when I see a couple out in public, I wonder what they look like having sex. I don't think it would be appropriate to actually see that mess come to life and scar me from having wandering thoughts ever.

Honorary mentions:

*That waddle walk where the boyfriend walks behind the girl with his arms around her waist.

*Sharing food/feeding each other

*Not having a social life without your significant other.

Die Antwoord is the future

2010-02-03T13:15:00.000-08:00

As if we didn't already know this, I like things that make me uncomfortable. I like to feel uneasy and almost feel shameful that I might possibly enjoy this moment of disturbia. And music is no different. Sure, I listen to the R&B classics/90s rap/punk/whatever. I swore to myself that I would never ever enjoy electronic music but now look at me, it seems to have taken over my Itunes. Well low and behold, here's the answer to my embarrassing Tiesto collection, South Africa's Capetown rap ninjas Die Antwoord. The girl is the answer to my Gummo fantasies and their frontman has tattoo of Casper the friendly ghost with a huge dick on his arm. With tons of WTFs and WTHs, Die Antwoord is seriously on some future shit. I don't know if I want to party with them or give them a dirty bath and feed them spaghetti.

DieAntwoord.com
Check out their site for a player of all their songs. My favorite is "Ritch Bitch".

and probably my favorite video of the bunch.
DRIVE FAST!!

Doppelgänger Bitches

2010-02-03T13:02:00.000-08:00

They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, however I beg to differ. There is nothing worse than a blatant copy cat, or as we like to call it "Doppelgänger syndrome". Sure, we're all inspired by the people we find interesting in some form or another but by hunting them down via social networking site AKA "stalking their life on the boardwalk" and trying to recreate that person's essence into your own fictitious persona is NAGL, ever.

I hate to get all Kelis about it, but some of these doppelgänger bitches have really upped their ante especially with the help from sites like twitter. Not only can they stalk your every move, but they can also "think" like you too! AWESOME. I can speak from personal experience by saying there are girls that will go so far as to even try befriending you in order to learn more about your personality. Single white female style!

A prime example is when one of my ex's began dating a girl that resembled me. At first it was funny, because it became an inside joke amongst our mutual friends that he was trying to find a "replacement" version of me, but then this girl started doing subtle stalker things like adding the same myspace profile song as me, or copying an outfit or a pose that I'd have in a certain photo. Then, she began lurking my comments section and adding my friends! I believe she did this so that she could read their bulletins and see which parties we'd all be attending. What's even worse is that she'd actually hang out with them in real life and have the balls to ask personal questions about me. The last straw was when this girl started WORKING for the same company as me! I don't believe in coincidence, and neither did my ex which is why he dumped her. Sadly, she was the first of many deranged stalker broads he dated thereafter.

Needless to say, there is a fine line between admiration and a total lack of originality. Being inspired is fine, just don't forget to give credit where credit is due. As cliche as this sounds, be yourself! and at the very least if you're going to be a copy cat, don't be so obvious!

Time for some NAILS DID

2010-02-03T12:10:00.000-08:00

Since we all love some more hand eye candy, it was time for a nails did post.

Glossy's candy coated talons

I need these!!

Burn after Sexing

2010-02-01T10:30:00.000-08:00

If you've ever made a sex tape, you know how awkward the day after can be. "Who gets to keep the video?" is a common question, but I think the answer is simple: YOU! however, if you don't plan on becoming famous anytime soon, it doesn't really matter really . Personally, I love watching myself have sex, and after talking to Des the other night, she basically decided that I was a narcissist for this hahaha. I don't think it's narcissistic, I think it's more amusing than anything. Not only can you perfect your "skills" by watching yourself on film, but it's better than any porn because, well....it's you! Anyway, I'm sure most girls are only concerned about their sex tapes because no one wants to be laughed at, Even more so no one wants their sex tape on the innernets for the world to see, unless you're getting a reality show out of it *cough* Paris* cough* Kim Kardashian*. Needless to say, I've managed to compose a few simples rules to making or escaping the humiliation of a sex tape.

*Never make a sex tape with a one night stand. DUH!

*If you're not 100 percent certain that the person you re sleeping with wouldn't go behind your back and show his friends, I;d say don't do it! trust your instinct about the person, and spare yourself the embarrassment.

*Keep it: If all else fails you can always look back on it and laugh. Better you than them, right?

*DESTROY IT:

If you're really concerned about your amateur porno getting into the "wrong hands" you can go the cray cray route and destroy the camera and/or computer altogether. Breaking a guys computer can land you on The People's Court, or jail or simply just getting your ass kicked. All of which seem more humiliating than any sex tape in my opinion, so destroy all evidence with caution.

Boobs Book Of The Week: Zsa Zsa!

2010-01-26T13:25:00.000-08:00

"The best way to attract a man immediately is to have a magnificent bosom and a half-sized brain and let both of them show!"

Zsa Zsa Gabor's book "How to Catch a man, How to Keep a man, How to get Rid of a man" will put an end to all of your dating dilemmas! ok, not really but Zsa Zsa's "advice" is not only over the top, it's actually quite humorous. She's basically the fabulous, rich, European Grandmother you never had. Obviously, this book isn't meant to be taken as a serious "self help" or relationship guide, however I do think some of her "old fashioned" pearls of wisdom are in fact quite useful. Had I gotten my hands on this little gem sooner, perhaps I wouldn't have wasted so much time on my lousy ex boyfriends or as Zsa Zsa would say "undesirables". Sadly, you can't buy this at your local Barnes & Noble, however you can find it on Amazon.

PEE WEE HERMAN LIVE!

2010-01-24T23:37:00.000-08:00

When I initially heard there was going to be a LIVE Pee Wee Herman show at the Nokia Theatre in downtown Los Angeles, my heart was filled with joy! Sort of like when I bought tickets to see New Kids On The Block in Las Vegas! There was no way I'd miss this show, not for God.. not for anyone!

As a kid my sister and I watched Pee Wee's play house religiously, as well as my all time favorite Pee Wee's Big Adventure. I didn't really know what to expect going into this show, but I will tell you this it was AMAZING! Sensory overload like a motherfucker, but in a good way. You really didn't need drugs for this because the entire experience in itself was so surreal it felt as if you were on drugs. Crazy lights, colorful set, and Pee Wee Herman! Unlike going to see your favorite classic rock band where the lead singer comes out and he's all bloated and out of shape,Pee Wee still looks exactly the same. For a second there I was beginning to wonder about him, remember BLOW?

Sadly, Laurence "Larry" Fishburne decided not to join the cast to reclaim his role as "Cowboy Curtis", however, they did manage to find another black dude with a jheri curl wig that looked just like him circa Pee Wee's play house. Although, it is rumored that if they do make a new Pee Wee film Larry plans to take back the part.

There's just something so gratifying about being able to drink alcohol and relive your childhood fantasy all at the same time. If you ever considered yourself a Pee Wee fan GO SEE IT!

Casting Call: The Real Hipsters of Silverlake? OH NO.

2010-01-22T17:50:00.000-08:00

So after the success of exploiting the guido/guidette in Jersey Shore and the fake orange county transplant turned into fashion experts in Hollywood on The Hills, somebody thought "You know what? Lets not stop there! What is it they have an abundance of in LA? What do you call them, hipsters? I think they live in Silverlake? Yeah yeah yeah, lets put those guys on a tv show!" Craigslist is filled with proper ads and this one seems pretty top notch.

Here is the pitch on it:
A new Reality Show is casting Silver Lake's rich, wealthy, hipster GUYS and GIRLS 21-30 whose personal style is homeless chic: Guys with beards, ratty hair and raggedy yet stylish clothing – and Girls dressed in fashionable, vintage hippie-type garb accessorized with large sunglasses and oversized tote bags. You must be incredibly involved in the Silver Lake social scene, enjoy a sensational nightlife Silver Lake style and be very outspoken with a vivacious personality. You must also hang with a racially diverse, intriguing group of friends who all live in Silver Lake. If this sounds like you please call 772.245.0665 or email realtvproduction@gmail.com for an interview.

Lets see what characters come out from the crevices for this shit.
Wait, rich and wealthy? What the? My brain hurts.

source here

Pilipinos hab sol!

2010-01-21T21:12:00.000-08:00

This made me die of laughter. Thank you anonymous, whoever you may be out there, for sending this to me.

You got great boobs JACKIE!

2010-01-21T16:38:00.000-08:00

Name/ location?
Jackie from Minneapolis, Minnesota!

Age?
22, although I wish I could be 17 forever. Yep, that's right.

Bra Size?
34B! 34C on a good day.

Age of Blossom?
I was 11 when I was wearing like three sports bras at a time trying to hide any evidence of boob. By 14 I was wearing full on push-up bras. Eventually I started taking a magical little pill called birth control, so they have fully blossomed into what they are now.

What you like and don't like about them?
I love everything about my boobs, especially how soft, bouncy, and perky they are! A lot of the times I catch myself groping myself...ordering at a restaurant, shopping at target, etc. The only thing I don't like is the fact that they aren't going to be soft, bouncy, and perky forever! =(

Do you have a favorite bra?
Yes! I have sooo much lingerie, but the balconet/demi push-up bra from Victoria's secret frames my boobs quite nicely. I own that bra in so many different colors.

Do you use them to your advantage? Explain.
Well, I am a stripper.

Whose boobs do you admire?
Scarlett Johansson! We all know her boobs look great in a dress, but if you're lucky enough to have come across a topless picture on the internet, then you KNOW just how great they are. I also admire my friend Sarah's boobs - they are so perfect they almost look unreal.

Do you like when men (or girls) grab your boobs?
Girls can grab my boobs any time they want. Guys, I'd prefer if you didn't. Look but don't touch.

Can you put them on the glass?
I can, but not sure why I would...

What's the strangest thing someone has asked about your breasts?
Being a stripper, I should have lots of answers to this, but after a while I just start to tune everyone out. Hmm I know a few people have asked if my boobs are real, and that's funny to me because if I were to hack 'em up with implants, they'd at least be a lot bigger!

links:
http://twitter.com/scurvette
http://scurvette.tumblr.com

TheBoobs gets a facebook page. Technology is becoming our best friend!

2010-01-21T16:23:00.000-08:00

If you haven't checked it out yet to the left of the blog, ladies and gents, TheBoobs is finally on facebook! Fan us, leave us msgs, send us dirty pictures, do whatever your heart desires!

TheBoobs facebook fan page

ORLY? YESRLY? MAYBRLY.

Stay Gold feat. Damien Adore, Robin, and Spank Rock

2010-01-21T16:16:00.000-08:00

I don't quite understand whats going on here but its making my ladyparts quiver.
Oh wait nevermind, Robin/Spank Rock together? That'll do the trick.

Download jam here:
Stay Gold feat. Damien Adore, Robin, and Spank Rock = "Backseat"

Hellz Boyz

2010-01-21T16:07:00.000-08:00

Every now and then I go boy crazy. Well, who am I kidding, this is all of the time.
To my surprise, Ive found another victim. Lanie over at Hellz Bellz never disappoints with anything she does. Clothes, jurrrly, and now including finding prime boy meat for myself and the rest of the world to pawn over. Oh yeah, not to mention the entire wardrobe I'd like to purchase and make my boyfriend in the video wear over and over again with his mad men hair. Lanie, I'm sold. Ill take 2 of everything including the model.

Anyone got a bib?

Shaving is for the birds?

2010-01-21T15:37:00.000-08:00

I was a lil bit of a hairball when I was younger. The minute I turned 12, my hormones went into overdrive and my cute peach fuzz as a kid transformed into a slightly coarse shadow above my lip and on my legs. I didn't know any better because I wasn't cool at 12 yet and just wanted to let my animalistic side come over me. The next year, I quickly found out what Nair was and learned how to twease my eyebrows, but I still didn't shave my armpits/legs/flower area. It didn't bother me none and it wasn't THAT out of control, plus boys were still out of my reach. I still had a few good years before I went down the sphynx cat road. Sure enough, after my first boyfriend and first experience in a girls gym shower, I was shave happy. Everything, even down to my arm hair = GONE. And its been that way ever since. I cant even let stubble surface. It itches. I start scratching out of control. Lets not forget that I just feel slightly dirty when I notice an unwanted hair poking out at me like an asshole from the past.

Its not to my surprise that this is the norm for practically all ladies. But the there are some women who plain ole just don't give a fuccccck. These gals let their bushes and happy trails run free. I never understood it but someone had explained it to me that it was not having to conform to everyone's beauty standards. They can be sassy and still rock more armpit fur than their boyfriend. Sure I can see that point of view BUT along with many inquiring minds, do they also just like the way it feels? Whats it like? Do you ever play with it? Is there any other reason you enjoy it other than sticking it to the man? I wonder if I were to feel slightly warmer and just over all tingly if I let my hair down and went back to being au naturale.

If Monique can show up on the red carpet, legs and all, maybe I can give it a whirl.

Actually, I think ill just hold onto my BIC and let those ladies do their thing.

Since we all love Jersey Shore so much

2010-01-21T14:59:00.000-08:00

Just in time for Jersey Shore tonight. Even though its still missing some great classics, I'm glad they included the grenade into the mix.
"You stalked my whole life on the boardwalk" - Pauly D. I luh you.

That no leg attitude cant hold me down!

2010-01-14T17:00:00.000-08:00

Even with a bum leg, a girl always gotta make her monies.

If I can watch girl on girl, why cant he enjoy guy on guy?

2010-01-14T16:47:00.000-08:00

I was talking to this guy not too long ago who seemed to be like quite the catch, but of course with my luck, thats never the case. I was lounging out his place and while he was in the shower, I decided to be a nice girl and tidy up his place. While I was making his bed, I noticed the drawer next to it was ajar. Now normally, I'm not a snoop but something had caught my eye. Next to his condoms there was this book, turned upside down. As hard as I fought the urge, my curious side took over me and I grabbed it. I flipped it over and I was greeted by a naked man on a grassy knoll, his ass spread out as if it was just asking you to stick it in. The title read something along the lines of "Collection of Homoerotic stories". At that moment I threw his sacred piece of literature back in the drawer, trying to erase what I just found from my memory. I didn't really ask for an explanation or what it was doing there next to his CONDOMS. I pretty much just washed my hands with that whole situation (him) in general.

About a week afterward, I was online on this forum expressing what had happened and basically looking for some sort of words of wisdom/woe is me/omg that happened to me too! I mentioned that this was the third time I had to face reality regarding my guy choices and their obvious interest in men. Instead of words of wisdom, I got mostly answers of "SHAME ON YOU! Maybe he isn't into guys, you should ask him, blah blah blah". At first I was defensive but then realized fuck it, maybe they have a point? Then one of commenters responded with , "Well I'm a straight girl and I love to watch lesbian porn. Its the only thing that gets me off."

So I got to thinking, is that possible? Straight guys can be into gay porn/literature? I'm open minded, I watch lesbian porn. Actually, no that's mostly what I watch (with the occasional reality pr0n). I understand the appeal, women are beautiful. Sensual. Plus its mostly tons of oral sex. You know how much oral sex is in straight porn? Not enough to get me off that's how much. But back to the topic, I enjoy girl on girl action. Most of my girlfriends that do watch blondes bump and grind are as straight as an arrow. But they would never try it out in real life, its purely sexual entertainment.

So what about men? Maybe he found it interesting or something? Am I being too judgmental? It is 2010, this is new sexual age of exploration. Straight guys can watch or read about each other softly stroking each other I'm sure, HELL if I can do it, why can't he? I asked quite a few straight guy friends and they all pretty much said "N-O. NO WAY DES. NO NO NO. NEVER EW WTF DES I LOVE PUSSY". They were probably just overdoing it on their heteroness, but my friend Tony broke it down for me.

"I'd say it's completely impossible for a man to watch gay porn and not be a little gay. most guys , when confronted with gay porn, are horrified. I've heard there's actually a trigger in most straight men's brains that goes off when they see shit like that. It's like a threat to them and their brains react accordingly. so, yeah, that guy you were talking to was probably a gay.
with girl and lesbo porn, I think the same way girls are horrified by seeing each other naked and how girls can jokingly make out with each other, it's simply different relationship your sex shares with one another. girls are beautiful and I think everyone can appreciate that. where as guys are kinda gross and, no matter how hot a dude is, no straight guy wants to see that guys dick or rub his chest."

So on that note, I guess I didn't really need an explanation from the guy. He's probably Bi, which could have been a blast, but I'd rather be penetrated than the other way around at this point. I will continue to look for my vagina only prince. Until then, My bad taste in men seems to triumph on.

My own soundtrack: Sleigh Bells

2010-01-14T16:18:00.000-08:00

I normally don't do music posts but gosh darnit, I got to start somewhere! A few weeks ago, a friend forwarded me over some youtube videos of this extremely new band out of Brooklyn, NY. Instantly I was hooked and started forwarding it to all of my friends. With a sound that resembles a blown out speaker mashed up with sweet harmonies, this twosome has taken over my iTunes. Plus the lead singer is pretty hot, she doesn't miss a beat with her American Apparel wardrobe. And the guitarist is from Poison the Well? Fucking A, its 2001 all over again. Check them out if you'd like, download the 6 songs that was passed onto me (they don't have a full album yet).

EDIT: NEW DOWNLOAD LINK Download here

My husband is obsessed with being humiliated

2010-01-14T15:42:00.001-08:00

About 2 weeks ago, I had made this facebook group having to deal with forwarded noodz. It was hilarious and I got random people forwarding me tons of naked pictures. However unfortunately, it only lasted two days! DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING! I was though lucky enough to come across this married couple. You see, he had sent pics of his very small penis and later informed me that he gets off on all the snickering from the random people. I didn't quite understand it but let him go on and on about it. After a few aim conversations, I realized this was too crazy and interesting to not write about it. I thought that asking his wife would seem more appropriate than talking to him considering I would never know what its like to own a small penis, let alone getting ridiculed for it. Plus she might have a different point of view regarding his "humiliation". She was more than ecstatic and quickly obliged. Enjoy, I know I did.

How do you guys meet? How long have you been married?
We met up in college, he was sort of seeing my roommate...but then again my roommate was seeing a few different guys. I didn't even like him at first but he was persistent Eventually I fell for him, we got married, and have been married just under a year.

How long before you realized that he was into being humiliated?
About 2 years ago I came home from work early and caught him in the office and his webcam was on. There was another woman watching on the other end. He was on his hands and knees with his ass towards the camera and spanking himself with a wooden spoon for this person while she laughed on the other end. So, I was kind of thrown in the situation...

What was his reaction when you caught him doing these webcam shows? Does he still do them?
Rather than just come clean he got all emotional and tried to hide it and say he'd never done it before. Turns out he had been doing it for a couple years and still does it. He was embarrassed but I think that just further fed his fetish.

He had previously sent out noodz to my facebook group explaining his infatuation with his inadequate size. How does that play into his humiliation?
I think its the root cause of it. He loves for people, men and women, to laugh at how tiny he is. It seems like any new woman we ever meet.. friend, acquaintance, he figures out a way to make it known that he is small.

What is his size exactly?
Pretty small, about 4 inches hard and pretty tiny soft. The tough part is its thin too and girth makes all the difference.

Is it difficult to have sex? What positions work best?
Yes it is in certain positions. Like with me in top he tends to slip out a lot. The best position is I would say is when I'm laying on my back with my legs pretty much completely above my head. That way he's able to actually penetrate and get in there lol. What makes it really difficult is his stamina though. I don't believe I've ever had sex with him that lasted longer than 6 or 7 minutes.

How much do you participate in his humiliation?
Very little. Sometimes I laugh at him about his size and he asks me to make fun of it during sex. But I mean come on, that's not exactly a turn on.

Would you consider yourself a humiliatrix?
No, because I really don't get a whole lot out of it other than a laugh sometimes. He tried skinny dipping in front of about 15 people one time in this hotel pool and Ive never heard so many penis jokes in my life. Of course he went up and jacked off because of what happened.

What is the craziest thing you've ever seen him do?
Probably masturbating with a vacuum cleaner attachment hose. He lubed it up, stick it in and turned it on. After about a minute he was having an orgasm. The crazy part was that he was able to fit it in there!

How much of it gets him off?
All of it. I have never met a man that is able to make himself cum in 10 seconds flat. I think he has wrapped his mind around this so much that only this type of stuff excites him, he doesn't get turned on by normal sex anymore.

How much of it gets you off?
As far as him having a small penis and enjoying being humiliated, I wouldn't say any of it gets me off.

Whats the farthest you've taken it and where do you draw the line when it comes to his fetish play?
The farthest I've been apart of was probably about six months ago. He wanted me to dress him up in one of my thongs and use a strap on on him while a friend of mine watched. We couldn't get her to watch but I did tie him to the bedpost and use it on him. As far as drawing the line, I would say I don't want to see any blood, animals, or anything else weird involved. Who knows what his mind will think up.